Sometimes I’m about to reblog something but then I realize it’s a screenshot of a post instead if the original so I have to go searching for the real thing (because what the fuck guys, why do you do that?) but the plus side is sometimes the version I find has hilarious wereshark erotica. So yeah.
I am occasionally guilty of #2 and feel bad about it.
I maintain that I am not guilty of #3 despite the fact that I won’t do my wife’s laundry. I’ll do mine, and the kids’ laundry, but my wife has rules that are different for different specific items of clothing and even she can’t always keep them straight without seeing it, so if she tells me “everything can go in the dryer except the blue shirt” it really means “oh and also not three other things I forgot were in that load” and I really don’t want to ruin her clothes.
Other than that I feel like I’m pretty much good. Not to say this is an unfair list – I have seen a lot of this behavior around. It’s super pathetic.
I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true
[From Max Landis’ amazing “American Alien” series about Superman.]
SO GOOD
SCREAM 👏🏻 IT 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 BACK 👏🏻 SO EVERYONE 👏🏻 CAN 👏🏻 HEAR
His shit eating grin in the last one sells it
I love the idea of Clark Kent turning up to every office Halloween party in an ill-fitting Superman costume from Target.
Still one of my favorite clips from Superman: The Animated Series.
This has gotten bigger since I last saw it ant that’s FANTASTIC
Henry Cavill literally once stood in Time Square, in a superman t-shirt, under a giant poster of himself and no one recognised him, even though he was actively trying to be recognised.
I’ve never seen this post but it just became my favorite post on the internet
Despite the best efforts of everyone involved, something truly nasty escaped Earth. They call it giardia, a microscopic organism that their Planetary Protection Officer called “pretty dumb” and “not too bad, really, a week of digestive upset and then it’s over.”
Yes, Earth has a Planetary Protection Officer. They have a Planetary Protection Office, and have had one since they were sending probes around their own solar system. Doctor Ma-et had found it a bit silly, like a child concerned about the cleanliness of their toys, until she learned that the job of the Planetary Protection Office had always been protecting other worlds from Earth.
Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.
Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.
Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.
Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.
Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.
There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on.
My wife did this to our Chihuahua. He yiped and collapsed and when he stood up one leg wasn’t working right. She called me in a panic and I said “he’s so overdramatic though, are you sure he’s really hurt?”
And she was annoyed because of course I hadn’t seen how he hit the ground or how he was shaking and how that poor leg kept folding up and making him almost fall over. So she said “I don’t think so, he can’t even stand right and…”
And just then there was a knock at the door and he bolted over there, barking and flipping out as always. And then wandered off, totally fine, because he had forgotten that he was horribly injured for life.
Funfact, stray cats who were previously house cats (often abandoned in strange areas away from their homes) will sometimes go into whatever house they can find, because they know they belong in a house.
That’s not a fun fact. That’s a very sad fact.
My first apartment had stairs that lead from the back balcony down to the parking lot and so my roommate and I never used the front door. Also there were no windows in the main area so we left that door open a lot, and the screen was broken because it was a SUPER classy place. So this stay cat started visiting us. Didn’t seem that interested in food, just wanted to hang out. At the end of the day when we were closing up I’d just say, “Cat. Get out.” and she would leave. So my (not yet in this story but eventual) wife finds out and insists that we have to keep her because she says it’s never forgive myself if I found this cat squished in the parking lot. And I say to her “No, *you* will never forgive me but that’s close enough.”
But I’m sure the cat is just going to freak out once we close the door. It’s an outdoor cat, and it doesn’t want to be trapped. It likes that it can visit and then go off to wherever it goes. But fine, I want to keep her happy so I close the door. The cat looks at the door, looks at me, looks at the door, looks at me, and for the first time it hops up on the couch and immediately goes to sleep. It might as well have said “Jeez, took you long enough!”
The only problem is that we spent so long just calling her ‘cat’ that it stuck, so now I have a cat named Cat.
