This idea literally came into my head a few minutes ago. (I’m so fucking proud of this post omg! XD)
So basically, there were a bunch of scientists who wanted to see if they could extract a human conscience and split it into its individual parts. They had tried experiments multiple times but failed. Then, they found a way that they were sure would finally work, but they needed a test subject.
Enter Jack. Jack was kidnapped by the scientists and experimented on. His conscience was extracted and split into individual parts, his body was cloned and the main bulk of his conscience was implanted back into him. Jack survived the experience and the experiment was a success. And so, the egos were born.
They and Jack were kept in the lab and experimented on until they escaped. They now all live in one apartment, with Jack trying to continue his life, making it seemed like nothing happened and the egos hiding from the world so they wouldn’t be recaptured. Anti however, is the odd ball. Where the others just want to live their lives as normally as they can, Anti wants revenge. He wants the world to know what they have been through and he wants the scientists to burn for what they did. This is why he craves attention so much: he wants the world to know what happened to him and the other egos in hopes that the scientists will be found out.
Here’s a run down on each ego and the part of Jack’s conscience they represent:
– Chase Brody was born from Jack’s feelings of being a father-figure to his community. He also has a bit of Jack’s childish nature in him, as who else would spend hours throwing tea bags into cups or firing nerf guns?! He is very skilled with real firearms though, the exact opposite to Jack who is usually quite passive and clumsy. He was caught by the scientists multiple times talking about a woman called ‘Stacy’ and claiming to have kids, though there s no evidence to prove that either actually exist, as Chase is nothing more that a clone and had never had contact with humans other than the scientists (none of which were called Stacy) and other egos at that point. The scientists believed Chase’s belief of having a family was caused by an error that occurred during his creation process, though no one knows for sure.
– Dr. Schneeplestein was born from Jack’s desire to help and save people. He is also very caring and is very good with a scalpel. He fulfills his role as a doctor well, fixing anything from simple cuts and bruises to slit throats and gunshot wounds to the head (*cough*Chase*cough*). The scientists were confused as to how Schneeple is such a talented doctor, seeing as he has no formal training whatsoever, and his German accent, as there wasn’t anything in Jack’s conscience that hinted at him wanting to be German. Along with that, one day the scientists discovered Schneeple had written ‘100% real doctor’ on a piece of paper and was showing it to others, claiming it was a doctorate. They listed this behavior as ‘strange’ but found no reason as to why he was acting this way.
– Jackaboy Man was born from Jack’s deep desire to be a superhero (mainly Spider-Man) even though he doesn’t have any of Spider-Man’s powers. He can fly though, which the scientists believed came from Jack’s wish to not be afraid of heights. He, like Schneeple, loves to help people, even though he may not be as good at it as the good doctor. Jackaboy Man, like the other egos, created his name himself, though he prefers to use it as an alias rather than a real name, similar to normal superheroes. The scientists discovered he constantly feared people discovering his ‘true identity’, and despite constant questioning, Jackaboy Man would not explain further, preferring to change the subject. As a result, Jackaboy Man’s real chosen name is not known by anyone, not even the other egos.
– Marvin the Magician was born from Jack’s desire to entertain people and make them happy. He’s a people person, much like Jack, though unlike Jack he has actual magical powers which add extra flair to his performances. These powers are most likely a literal representation of Jack’s entertainer side. Through tests, the scientists discovered that Marvin believed his powers came from a white cat mask rather than the experiment. Before any trick he would (and still does) rub the ears and nose, chanting “meow, meow, meow”. Like Schneeple, Marvin’s behavior was listed as ‘strange’ and no real reason was found for these actions.
– Antisepticeye was born from Jack’s inner demons. He is the literal representation of Jack’s fears and anxieties about not being good enough for people, his community abandoning him, and even small things like if his camera is recording. He is the most dangerous for these reasons, so much so that the scientists had a hard time keeping him contained in the lab, eventually resorting to locking him inside a computer program. He is the only ego without a physical body because he was technically an accident; the scientists didn’t intend to create him, he just appeared when all the experiments were done and caused havoc. The scientists weren’t sure why he took the form of a glitch, though they chalked it up to Jack spending so much time around computers and his deep love of glitchy stuff. Anti has the ability to glitch through walls and floors and can possess other living things, even the other egos; though he seems to stick around Jack more than anyone else, much to Jack’s dismay.
(So, yeah. That’s my backstory for the egos. Shit, this was so long, I’m so sorry! If you read all this though, thank you so much! It was just a random idea I had. It seems like a good basis for a fan fiction or something though, don’t you think? 😂)
Okay but with all this humans are the weird ones, space australia and humans are space orcs stuff i’ve been reading on here, imagine a race out there that looks mildly human-like. Like, maybe they only have abnormal eye colours (like liquid gold or sunset pink) or different skin colours or tails or wings or something but other than that, they look almost exactly the same. just imagine
Their entire race is now completely used to being mistaken for a human and the once weak race is has now merged into one of power and respect. The humans have no clue because they haven’t actually reached that part of the universe yet but every other alien race thinks they have and are now terrified because holy lexim the humans got there, made a home on a new planet and have somehow not been wiped out in only ‘X amount of’ Human years it took us like 10 Brilkaks how did they do this so fast w h a t
The other aliens don’t even question the wings/tails/ears etc because most of them are actually used to a rather respected human thing called ‘cosplay’. (Most of the universe actually got a very good idea of it when one of the Telk Uuns transformed into a human called ‘Harry Potter’ and was enthusiastically congratulated on ‘such a realistic cosplay it’s like you’re actually him!’. The humans, when they learned that it wasn’t a cosplay at all but merely a simple transformation, had flipped and excitedly made a large commotion in the Telk Uun’s Hall of Ushvaac, scaring the Telk Uuns out of their disguises.)
Anyway, when the humans actually do find out, they’re actually amused and make a peace treaty with their look-a-like friends. occasionally they’ll swap and a few of the Human B’s will visit Earth and a few Humans will visit Earth 2 (Krexar’un)
Back on Earth the Human B’s (also knowns as the Krexarns) make easy friends because most of the humans think the situation is hilarious. Eventually the human’s begin to make classes for the transfer Krexarns so they can learn about Human traditions and historical moments to be more convincing when interacting with other aliens. The Krexarns absolutely falling in love with some of the apparently not-pet-able animals ‘nO ILTAR THATS A SHARK DO NOT PET IT GET BACK HERE’ *cue hyperventilation* and their human friends inevitably becoming the mum friend regardless and constantly worrying that they might get attacked every time they visit the beach. (the poor already mum friends become Mum Friends 2.0.)
Over on Krexar’un, humans are treated with a great deal of respect however because they’re Very Curious, they often have to be surrounded by guards to make sure they don’t kill them selves by wandering into any native animals. Nevertheless, the humans will often escape their guards and many of the Krexarn children begin going to the Human transfers to get lessons on it. (ehhh, basically the same thing as on Earth but including lessons on how not to die on Krexar’un)
Eventually all the other aliens learn that the Krexarns aren’t human and are pissed but that soon melts away when they learn how close the Krexarns and the humans now are and oh mirtd do not cross them the humans will find out and you will make them mad
So, Human protectiveness. Sure, we can be aggressive when protecting our friends but not always. We can have different levels of it.
If some nasty Alien is disrespecting your crew member Nala by telling bad jokes and stabbing at her species you just grab Nala’s slim form and turn her around.
“Ignore that idiot, you and I are having Ice Cream with Netflix. Did I tell you your tentacles look sooo shiny today?”
Like, we make them forget the bad and remind them they have nice friends anyways.
Then we have verbal abuse. Very clever and mean ways to break spirit.
“What did you say to our Captain? You with your [insert word] and your [insert word] are so awful you should never have left home you [bleeep] [bleep]! Don’t even get me started on that tail.”
Our crew is silent because they never thought we had that vocabulary. That we could nail down another creatures faults and flaws and ultimately break someone’s spirit. The other Aliens leave with their tail behind their legs, devastated.
But don’t threaten us. Because there is no turning back from a human who has been disrespected and threatened.
War’lac had known it was a bad idea to bring two humans along to the negotiation. But the Pleets had insisted, wanting to see what the humans were like up close. The Pleets, fat and gross beings with four black eyes and bio blades along their forearms, enjoyed war and pillage. The humans had declined working with their kind and for good reason.
Human Jenna had been calm the entire meeting but Human Becca had silently been fuming as the Pleets stated their requests.
“You have entered a zone that we conquered 6 clicks ago. Comply or perish.” The Pleet leader said and Wer’lac shrunk back.
“We won’t last to the next solar system without our rations! And we only have a defensive weapon to use against stray asteroids. To pick it apart and hand it over…”
They laughed and Wer’lac knew it was useless. Their own crew were not species of fighting or war. They were explorers and scientists.
“And also, if you do not comply quickly, we will start by taking your humans.” Their leader said and pointed at Jenna with a green finger. Human Jenna looked genuinely surprised and Human Becca… she had that infamous stare in her eyes.
“What?” Human Becca asked, her voice ice cold. Wer’lac flinched and tried to calm their human.
“We’ll grab the cute one, and destroy her before your very eyes. Skin her alive and tie her up agains the cockpit glass. ”
The Pleets laughed and Wer’lac looked at them with horror. He glanced at Human Jenna, who was barely breathing. No, she was staring just as Human Becca was. Human Becca stood slowly and leaned across the table on her hands. Her voice lowered without breaking the stare.
“What did you say?” She asked, a calm wrath in her voice. Wer’lac looked between them, helplessly.
“Don’t worry, we can do the same to you too.” The Pleets leader said, showing teeth. That was the last thing he said.
Human Jenna and Human Becca never shared at word or look but still sprung at the same time. Across the table they jumped one Pleet each and then chaos broke loose.
Bones were broken. Skin was torn open by scratching. It was a dance of legs and arms inflicting damage with every hit. Eyes were dug out of their skulls with clawed fingers.
Wer’lac had assumed that Human Jenna had sharpened her finger nails that morning for aesthetic purposes. That’s what she had told him. Now he felt uncertain of it.
Human Becca had dislocated an arm and torn it from its owners body. She inspected it closely and then dumped it on the floor. Three were dead, two moaned in pain and the last one limped away. Human Jenna looked after him but shrugged.
“Let him tell the others. They’ll learn to not cross us again.” She said. Human Becca looked at her stained clothes and sniffed the blood.
“It smells spicy. You think we can eat them?” She asked. Jenna shrugged.
“Only one way to find out.”
Wer’lac sat frozen in his seat. He had forgotten the tales of human encounters and the warnings they came with. The humans in his crew had been so nice and docile and protective he had forgotten their true nature.
Apex omnivorous predators. Stalkers and killers. Intelligent and creative.
He was happy to have them on his side and not the other way around.
Sometimes we can have bad, bad parents. So bad that other humans have to take away the other’s young to protect them from their own parents. And the next step is to protect the kids from their bad parents even more is to get other humans ‘adopt’ the younger ones. The aliens wouldn’t understand because why would they take them away? Aren’t the original birth givers supposed to look after their young. Once they sort of understand why the children had to be removed, wouldn’t their next questions be how can the parents do this to them? Why would their parents do this to their offspring? After learning why and being disgusted, maybe they would want to learn just what is adoption and if they can participate as well.
okay, so, I love all the posts that run off the assumption that humans are the most ridiculous sapient species in the galaxy
but what if it’s just the other way around
what if humans are notoriously straitlaced and obsessed with protocol. the bureaucrats of the stars.
which is obviously something we would constantly try to complain about and disprove only for some Alpha Centaurian to be like “Captain, your species formalized spirituality, repeatedly, and a recurring theme therein is that the heavens themselves are run as a bureaucracy. Even your rebellions and revolutions are meticulously planned.”
it’s not a bad thing, per se, to have a human on your team — analytical minds, good diplomats (if only because one human etiquette system can be more complex and even contradictory than the vastly varied customs of an entire species) — but be prepared for them to call attention to moral quandaries and loopholes that never would have occurred to you.
and speaking of loopholes, do be careful, because the only thing worse than a human armed with an ironclad system of rules is a human who’s found a gaping hole in them.
“You’re telling me there was a mass movement to name a boat something dumb as a joke?”
“First of all, it wasn’t a mass movement, and second of all, the boat was by no means the first time nor the last.”
“…Exactly how much of Earth comedy is based on incongruous branding?”
Hear me out here: Humans as both.
Like most sapient species assume the above; humans are straitlaced, meticulous, and methodical. They follow strict rules which dictate their social interactions and even a slight variation is considered taboo. They are the quintessential bureaucrats.
Except when they’re not.
We’ve talked about humans method of scientific exploration and advancement involving a ridiculous amount of danger for all parties involved. But, ya know, we write it all down in a very orderly manner and get published and peer reviewed. And then other humans copy the incredibly dangerous experiment to see what happens for themselves.
Humans survived the volatile early years of their species rise through community-bonding. They put the needs of a group of individuals over all else; hunting as a group, eating as a group, raising families as a group, and sometimes dying as a group. This tendency to form strong bonds means that while a human’s signed contract can always be trusted. It also means that a human cannot be trusted to not rip that contract up and say “Fuck it” if an individual with whom they have a community-bond is in danger. Other species are baffled to discover that the individual in question need not be human, or even sapient. Stories of humans who have defended what would normally be considered prey animals by other omnivorous species, of humans who have killed to defend their non-human crew mates, even one story (surely just a story, it can’t be true) of an entire crew of humans who elevated a simple non-sapient cleaning bot to officer’s rank and threatened rebellion if it was decommissioned.
So, sure, humans are logical and awfully organized for such a diverse species. They make phenomenal bureaucrats and politicians. They’re highly sought after as strategists and advisors to royalty the galaxy over.
But, they’re also appear to take great pleasure in looking the rules dead in the eyes and very deliberately thumbing their nose as those rules. Because, the rules (and logic) say you probably shouldn’t jump off a cliff into unknown waters and humans have made multiple sports based entirely off that concept.
as an individual: logical, organized
as a species: hold my beer
I love that Stabby the robot has become part of the Canon of “human interaction with aliens”.
Zanzue looked at human-Marius. The young human looked stern and grim and he did not shed a tear looking at the coffins of his parents.
When zanzues elders had decided to let humans foster Zanzue and ze younger potlings there had been outraged and disbelief.
But Zanzue had loved living with the humans, even if they were a bit wird and did strange things like bedtime stories and hugging. It was nice and ze liked it.
When the extremists attacked they were all unprepared. All but the humans. While the older humans fought the attackers, young human-Marius gathered all the potlings and fled into the woods.
When night came he found shelter and build a fire. When zanzues younger potlings where frightened and crying, he told them wonderful stories of princes and princesses who overcame all obstacles. Fairytales he called them. He sang songs about love and being safe. Even Zanzue felt better even though ze knew just how much danger they were in.
When they finally reached the city human-Marius guided the authorities back to the human settlement and when the extremists where caught, he testified in court. Then he arranged the funeral for his parents and all the other humans since no one knew the human funeral costumes.
Zanzue was very concerned. Normally humans were very emotional but not human-Marius. He was like stone, so cold and quiet.
All the elders had discussed what to to with the young human, who had lost so much and still saved Zanzue and the younger potlings. Who had bought them to safety and made the young potlings feel safe even in the mist of danger.
Zanzues elders told the authorities that they would care for human-Marius. So after the funeral they all went home.
Later that night Zanzue woke up to a terrible sound. It sounded like loneliness and pain. Like someone who had lost everything and didn’t know how to carry on.
The sound came from human-Marius room and ze found the young human crouched on the floor of the room. His whole body shook and water streamed down his face.
At first Zanzue didn’t know what to do, but then ze remembered the songs of hope and the hugs the humans had given ze.
So ze held human-Marius close and hummed quietly until the young human finally fell a sleep.
Then they all knew. Humans mourn deeply but they can push the feeling aside for the sake of others.
You know how sometimes we make meme and social media references in real life?
The aliens certainly didn’t.
The captain had no idea what to expect from his decision to bring a second human aboard the ship. His only guidance in the matter had been the rather unhelpful suggestion to acquire one already pack-bonded with Human-Megan. Unfortunately, given human nature, this could apply to any number of humans, and attempting to ask Human-Megan herself for an organized list of them all proved useless. (He had been immediately accused of being a “stalker”.)
However, he did eventually become aware of a certain human who had been a “sister from another mister” for most of Human-Megan’s life. Upon inquiring about this new human, he was met with enthusiastic approval, mostly in the form of the repeated, painfully high-pitched word “yes”.
And so Human-Lynn was brought aboard.
At first, the crew were presented with nothing they were unfamiliar with. There had been a temporary scare upon first viewing Human-Lynn, due to the vibrant and multicolored crop of hair she bore. However, Human-Lynn had quickly ended their confusion by explaining the concept of hair dye, which, although it had left a few crewmembers nauseous, was understandable for human standards.
In addition, Human-Lynn was considerably less emotional, or so it seemed. Upon encountering disagreements with the crew, she would begin laying down insults in an almost offhand manner, and nothing seemed to cause her to be visibly furious. However, Human-Megan had assured them that she was simply “sassy” and “sarcastic” in nature, and that when she began to insult them in such a calm manner, she was indeed furious (although it was difficult to imagine that a being could be simultaneously calm and furious).
But then came the strange, and often illogical, conversations that often ensued between Human-Lynn and Human-Megan.
For instance, there was their first passage through a nebula since Human-Lynn’s arrival. Human-Megan, although she had borne witness to nebulae before, looked on in wonder almost identical to Human-Lynn’s. Both were seemingly rendered immobile, mouths slightly agape.
“Gorgeous.”
“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed.
“What’s the…how does this even…” After a moment of failed articulation, Human-Lynn let out a deep sigh. “Science side of Tumblr?”
“Space dust do the glow-glow,” Human-Megan responded almost seamlessly.
“Thank you, science side of Tumblr.”
Several more occurrences of seemingly cryptic conversations where yet to come. Occasionally, the two would make eye contact and mutter “same” for seemingly no reason at all, and once during the first meal rotation Human-Lynn had stood and bellowed, “AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!” much to the surprise and momentary panic of her fellow crewmembers.
At last, a member of the cultural research department approached the two during their third meal rotation and inquired about the nature of their seemingly meaningless conversations. It was his duty, after all, to collect data regarding new species, especially in regards to behavior.
He was met with general laughter, a sound still rather jarring to hear without appropriate warning.
“Holy…crap,” Human-Lynn breathed, wiping a tear from her eye as she shook with laughter. “An alien…wants to know…about memes. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Memes…?”
“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed. “They’re like…I don’t know…references to popular culture on Earth? They’re usually pretty stupid, and either considered hilarious or grounds to murder someone because they’re that stupid.”
“Grounds to…murder someone?!”
“Not literally, dude. We’ve discussed this. Not literally.”
“There’s a lot of memes,” Human-Lynn continued in her friend’s place. “Spongebob is a few…oh, there’s the dog in the burning house. You know, the ‘this is fine’ meme?”
“Yeah, and Moon-Moon, and ‘you shall not pass’–”
“John Cena–”
“Screw you, I hate John Cena–”
“These are not the droids you’re looking for, that one’s a classic–”
“And then there’s some that aren’t really memes, they’re more like Tumblr legends. Like the science side of Tumblr, and John Green, and Superwholock. But Lynn and I like to use those in real life because we’re weird.”
The researcher nodded, a gesture he had it adopted from the humans he studied, although the concepts they were referring to were far beyond his understanding. Perhaps this was one of those cases where you had to simply let humans be humans, regardless of how strange it was.
“I believe I have heard of these…memes,” he mused after a moment. “So…what is Rickrolling?”
Immediately the grins dropped from the humans’ faces.
“We don’t talk about Rickrolling,” hissed Human-Megan. “We never–EVER–discuss–Rickrolling.”
The next time someone rudely asks me “so… what are you?” as a way of trying to figure out my race, I’m gonna answer as nervously as possible with “hahah ahah ahaha… human? liKE YOU?” and then walk about 3 feet away from them before stage whispering into my watch “I fear the humans are beginning to catch on. I believe it’s now time to proceed with Plan E.”
What amuses me is the Plan E part. That means several other plans have failed. You are a terrible secret agent.
[sweats and whispers into watch] “They’re definitely onto us.”
