(Because I’ve seen this guy everywhere! I want to fall down the rabbit-hole as well! And thank you too @magic-marvin-protection-patrol for inspiring me with the ask I saw on your blog!
I’ve seen that Rob was created by Malvin the Magician? I’m unsure of it, but he was a magic trick gone wrong? Or Malvin tried to revive Jack after Anti killed him? Not sure! But there’s a semi back story!)
– The guy has a stomach of steel. He will eat anything and everything. Rotting meat, fresh produce; I’m pretty sure some of the other egos have seen him try to chomp down on a shoe once.
– He’s constantly hungry, but if he eats too much his stomach will start to swell and then he barfs it back up. You’ll have to hurry him away before he starts trying to eat that too.
– Despite his Zombie appearance, Rob is actually quite intelligent. But sometimes, when he’s really hungry or sleepy, he’ll start moaning and stare off into the distance. Non-blinking and wide-eyed.
– If he stays like this for too long, he’ll start wandering off aimlessly. Running into things and chasing after bright lights or very noisy objects.
– Anti found him trying to chase a firefly in the backyard one night. Then proceeded to tease the zombie with a laser-pointer.
– Chase has a harness and a leash so he can take Rob out on walks when he’s hungry.
– Chase constantly has to pull Rob out of trashcans and pull on the leash to stop him from chasing any animals they come across.
– He bruises almost instantly and can be harmed easily. If he bumps into a particularly sharp corner of a table, his skin will tear. Doctor Sneeplestein is quick to patch him up before Rob makes it worse.
– Because of his lack of nerve endings and general heart-beat; Rob can’t feel pain. And due to his easily torn skin and ligaments, he can actually tear off his limbs and throw them at people.
-”Hey Rob, can you give me a hand with this?” Pans over to Rob smirking as he twists his wrist and tears off his hand, throwing it at JackaboyMan. “Not what I meant!”
– He gets easily confused though. If you talk too fast or move too quickly, Rob will ask you to repeat yourself. His brain is a little mushy due to, you know, being dead.
– Anti and Rob have scaring competitions to see who can make the other egos scream the loudest. So far Anti is winning due to his unfair advantage of “Horror Movie Night” and Malvin pretty much use to Rob’s attempts at scaring him.
– After-all, Malvin did create him and the two were stuck with each other until Rob escaped and the other egos discovered him.
– Rob is generally a nice guy. Can sometimes get grumpy due to his hunger, but he likes to joke and laugh just as anyone else.
(Ey look at me, actually posting more parts of a fanfic I’ve written. I normally don’t post more than one part of a fanfic here so let’s just get this over with:
The hunger is what awakens him. The pain of hunger in his stomach and mind and entire mind and he has to eat he needs to he’s so hungry-!
His eyes snap open and his nostrils flare. He’s somewhere else and he can’t move. But, he can “think” more clearly… his brain doesn’t hurt as much. He can process a tad better… he can’t move and the reason why is because something is around his wrists and they’re holding him down to something hard. A… a chair. Yes, that’s what it’s called, he thinks.
The room around him has all shades of red, going from blood red to a shade of the brightest pink he’d ever seen. But there’s nothing to eat. No flesh. No meat. No nothing. He’s so hungry, though…
A noise comes from nearby and his nostrils flare once more, taking in the new smells. He had smelt these smells, though. And oh does he love the smells that he is currently smelling… they make him even more hungry and he can tell that their flesh and meat and blood and his mouth is watering because he’s sssoooo hungry.
He moans and groans and hisses and growls, pulling at whatever is around his wrists to try and capture the flesh and meat again. His teeth grind together and he can feel another pop from hair gums, falling into his lap. As he continues to pull his wrist begins to stretch, skin begins to tear. And he knows that that should hurt but really, it only.. tickles. He can’t but laugh and when the sound of his own laughter reaches back to his ears it confuses him. That hissing growl can’t be his laugh. Can it?
“Oh god,” he hears the shrieking again and the sound tears at his ears, his mind. But he can just recognize the gibberish noise to be words… he can’t tell what they mean, but he knows they’re… words It makes him snarl louder. “He’s awake….”
“What the hell do we do with it?” Screeched the one that is most pleasantly smelling. It’s smell is so hypnotic and it makes his stomach to little flips and rolls and it tightens and groans. “We can’t leave him like this.”
“Maybe we could try and talk to him?” Screeched the first one and he prefers it’s voice because it’s softer and less harsh on his ears. “Maybe he doesn’t recognize us, yet.”
“Do you really think talking to it will help?” Shrieked the second and he hates it’s voice. It’s too loud and brash and has strange sounds to its way it speaks.
“Well we won’t know unless we try,” screeched the first and he has to flinch because for some reason it’s voice is more rough than usual. There are footsteps, much louder than the low him he’d been hearing this entire time and now he can pick up the sound of a constant beat, a tiny thud. It’s going fast in the first blob that appears in his sights and it’s going a tad slower in the second. It’s a pulsating and beating noise. He likes it.
The blobs stop in front of him. “What if Anti finds out we did this?” Shrieked the second and he can see the little pulsating thing in the blob’s center grow quicker. “He’s going to be pissed.”
“He won’t find out!” Screeched the first louder than usual and he draws his head back, snarling softly. Then the blobs draw nearer and he can almost reach them, he just has to be a little closer- there’s another tearing sound that comes from his wrists and the top layer of muscles are snapping.
“Robbie?” Shrieked the first blob and its voice is lower than usual, softer and he likes it at this volume. It’s easy on his ears. And that sound, the word it shrieked… it sounds almost… familiar. It makes him jolt because he feels he has to respond to it. “Can you… can you understand me?”
He can but he can’t and he doesn’t know if he can communicate that because he doesn’t want to- he’s too hungry he wants to eat- he growls in answer anyway, snapping his teeth together. He feels another tooth fall into his lap and a warm liquid going down his cheek and chin.
“I think he did!” The blob shrieked and he growls at the loud noise, teeth smashing together once more. He pulls forward more and there’s a louder and more wet snap as the late tendons connecting his wrists to the rest of the arms breaks off. Now only the bones remain. “Okay, Robbie,” he pauses in his pulling when he hears the noise, “it’s me, Marvin!”
And he feels as though he should know that other noise because it’s familiar and it tugs at what he thinks is his brain. He tilts his head and snorted in question, jaw falling open a tad wider. There’s a loud clapping noise and a grunt of being impressed.
“Well I’ll be damned,” screeched the second blob. “He may actually be able to understand.”
The first blob- or, Marvin- moves even closer and even though he feels as though he should know this thing he needs to eat and it’s the perfect meal right in front of him taunting him to no end- another tear and then a crunch and he’s leaping from the chair, letting out a loud howl. He lands on top of Marvin, hissing and growling and snapping.
“Robbie! No!” The second blob shrieked from behind and he’s expecting to be hit away. But the blow never comes and he’s still on top of Marvin who’s breathing heavily. He can smell the fear coming off in waves.
“Wait, Henrik,” Marvin said and it’s no longer a screech but barely above a harsh whisper. He leans in closer and some of his saliva drops from between his cracked teeth. “Just wait.”
“Why would i-”
“I said wait!”
He continues to smell at the blob that calls itself Marvin, more drool only forming in his mouth at his smell. But, maybe he shouldn’t. He’s starving he needs to eat- but, the name. He’s growing confused and he wants to bite down but he doesn’t want to and-
There’s a pained gasp and his teeth are clamped around the blob’s upper area. He whimpers, wanting to let go but his teeth won’t unclamp and he can already taste the blood gathering in his mouth and he wants to continue by ripping the skin off.
“It’s okay, Robbie,” Marvin stammered, voice breaking in and out constantly. It’s in pain and he can tell because he can hear and smell this fact. “I made you this- this way. I- I deserve this.”
He pauses once more, the words actually processing in his brain. His jaws slowly release as he forces them to do so and he pulls his face from the blob, tilting his head with a small noise of confusion. It’s almost whine and he’s so conflicted.
He’s hit off a moment later even as Marvin protested against it. “He stopped!” It yelled at the other blob. He lands on the floor nearby and he’s not happy now. He growls softly, rolling back into his stomach and pushing onto all fours.
“He bit you!” The other blob screeched and it still sounds like a rough tone. He snarls at it, finding it to be grinding against his already hurting brain. He darts at the unknown yet threatening blob but he’s only kicked away once more. “Look at it, Marvin! That’s not Robbie! That’s a shell of him!”
“No! He understood me! He stopped biting me!” Marvin shouted in return and pushed to its feet, hunched over in what he assumes to be pain. He clicks his teeth and has to force himself to his feet, hard to crawl without his hands attached. “So stop it!”
He growls, grinding his teeth together as he takes a wobbly step towards them.
“Henrik is sorry for what he did, Robbie,” Marvin stated and he pauses, hearing that word. Those two words, actually. He knows “Henrik”. It sounds… familiar. He groans when his head pounds worse and he holds his wrists on ether side of his face, hissing softly as he shakes his head. “Can you… can you talk?”
He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know if could speak right. He doesn’t know if he will ever be able to. He doesn’t remember how. He’s hungry and confused and everything is hurting right now. But… maybe he could try. Maybe he could get food out of it…
He just doesn’t know what to say. So he says the first thing that comes to his pain filled mind, or, tries to: “M… Maaaarriiinnnnn.” It’s uncoordinated, completely slurred together and not said with any of the ease that Marvin and the other has when speaking.
He hears Marvin gasp and it’s arms fly from its side to its face. The other is lettin off waves of shock, both changing to a lighter shade.
“H- he said my name!” Marvin exclaimed and it begins to come closer but he growls. He doesn’t know if they should get too close. He’s still hungry, unable to control himself well. So it stops but still seems to be happy. “Henrik, he said my name! He knows me!”
“I’ll be damned…” the other- Henrik screeched but it sounded less like a screech. “It does know you..”
“It’s okay, Robbie! We can help you now!” Marvin informed and steps closer again but he draws away, another tooth falling from his mouth and clicking across the floor.
“We’ll have to put those back in…” Henrik said and it’s voice isn’t a screech anymore, it’s a tolerable mutter that his ears can stand. “And reattach the wrists…”
“Please, let me get closer,” Marvin said and has taken another step forward but he growls louder, shaking his head frantically but he’s already running forward, unable to stop himself. He’s too hungry and Marvin is food whether he likes it or not. “Robbie, no!”
He’s hit from the air as soon as he even lifts from the ground and he falls back down, letting out a roar of pain and his obvious suffering. “M- Maaaarrrrii-iiiinnnnn-” he tried again, withering on the cold floor even as his stomach burns and aches. There’s a choked sob from nearby before something stomps on the side of his head. The reds are fading once more. “Maaarrr- iiiinnnn-”
And then everything is gone.
(Yea I can’t stop writing about Robbie now. I’ve already gotten the next two parts done, too. I think I’ll post everyday, though. If I decide to continue posting them, anyways)
but what if,,, what if humans aren’t the only Hold My Beer species.
We are one of two.
The Adt’harra people look kind of like a cross between a bat and an elf. Big ole radar dish ears, slender bipedal bodies, all that. Their planet is heavily forested with gargantuan mangrove swamps, and they lurk under the roots to hunt fish and birds. More importantly, they lurk under the roots to prank the shit out of any and all intergalactic visitors.
The Adt’harran love of pranks was at first a non-starter for joining the Intergalactic Alliance, but then they realized that these creatures were absolute geniuses for rigging complex mechanics in a matter of minutes, and also were simply too enthusiastic to refuse.
At around the same time, the Human people were discovered. They were rather flimsy compared to many other members of the Alliance, but further interaction proved them to be loyal crewmembers willing and able to risk life and limb for their cause and teammates. Further interaction also proved them to be reckless bastards who think it’s great fun to glue six warp cores together and try to poke a tunnel through a sun.
It was very quickly decided by the high-ups that Humans and Adt’harrans should never be allowed to interact, they would surely blow up at least three ships and cause a half dozen interplanetary incidents with their scheming.
When the Humans and Adt’harrans eventually meet anyway because neither species is really into ‘rules’, they are fast friends and the collective universe tears its hair out.
i know this post is a true vision of the future because i am a human and i can’t wait to meet the adt’harrans and go full mythbusters on the galaxy
holy shit i need this
Full Mythbusters on the galaxy god bless
I do so love when my own post crosses my dash
Convergent evolution yo. Humans and Adt’harrans both exploit the “tool-using omnivore that lives in/around trees” niche, which naturally lends itself to “yeah sure I’ll try anything just to see if it works/if it doesn’t poison me”.
Okay, so what if the first meeting were to go like:
A ship with humans as part of the crew gets stranded when their prime flux stabiliser goes offline. Captain Zizi, a Zilla, follows protocol and sends out a distress beacon.
The only ships near enough to respond before the air supply runs out are the ship of Captain Untung, a Dono, and the ship of Captain Lolowap, an Adt’harran.
Captain Lolowap: “We’re picking up a distress beacon. We’re going in.”
Captain Untung: “Wait! Uh, we got that beacon too! We’ll get it!”
Captain Lolowap: “…what? Our ship is faster, they said it was urgent, what’s the problem?”
Captain Untung: “Uhhhh I don’t know if you got the manifest, but that’s a ship largely crewed by humans and uh… we don’t think you guys will be compatible.”
Captain Lolowap: “… Are you attempting humour again? I’m so proud of you, but really, not the time. They need help as of 5 hours ago, we’re going in, humans or no humans,
everyone is compatible with living longer and not dying in the vacuum of space, I’m sure we’ll get on just fine. Lolowap out.”
Captain Untung: “…but that’s what we’re afraid of… No, Lolowap! I’m serious!”
Captain Lolowap: “Bzzt can’t understand you you’re breaking up, going too fast for the signal bzzt.”
Captain Untung: “You are literally just saying ‘bzzt’ there is no signal breakage GET BACK HERE LOLOWAP! LOLOWAP!? ….Kruk, she hung up. I cannot believe this. She hung up on me. I will not be held responsible for this. I will not, you hear me!?”
But by the time the
Adt’harran ship gets to Captain Zilla’s ship, it turns out that the humans have managed to jury-rig a solution that is letting the ship limp through space. It’s not that the help from Captain Lolowap’s ship isn’t appreciated, it’s just that even if it hadn’t been coming, they probably would have survived.
Captain Lolowap: “…Engineer Yolozat, what am I looking at?”
Engineer Yolozat: “I couldn’t have done it better myself Captain! I’ve never seen anything like this before! They hitched the D.W. to the DuH1k-E with a hair decoration and managed to bypass the faulty connection!”
Engineer Jacinta: “Oh uh, it’s nothing,I saw something like it in an old vid once and I thought it might work here. And well, I’ve always got a bunch of bobby-pins, and they’re made out of metal, so I figured it might do in a pinch.”
Engineer Yolozat: “…Captain, permission to poach this human for our crew.”
Engineer Jacinta: “…What? I wasn’t even the one who got it to work, that was Casey.”
Engineer Yolozat: “…There are more of you?”
Engineer Jacinta: “Yes? Though Casey got locked in the brig for being ‘reckless’ again. I mean, I don’t see the big deal, they didn’t blow us up, and we would have managed to get at least as far as Lira 5 with the rig.”
Engineer Yolozat: “I’ve changed my mind. Captain, permission to poach all the humans for our crew.”
Captain Lolowap: “Granted.”
Engineer Jacinta: “…what?”
And that was the time the humans got adopted by the Adt’harrans and everyone else was terrified.
Marvin hadn’t meant for this to happen. He had just been practicing some spells, and Jack just happened to be in the room.
Now the magician was staring at a brown fox. Said fox seemed incredibly annoyed. The animal let out a yip, before baring his teeth at Marvin.
“I’m sorry, okay! I promise I’ll change you back, let me just look through my spells,” he said, flipping through a couple pages of his book.
“Oh,” he whispered.
The fox yipped again, pointing with his nose at the book. Marvin gulped.
“Well, you see… the spell lasts for 24 hours, and then you’ll go back t-”
Before Marvin could finish his sentence the fox had lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. The magician let out a yelp of surprise. “Please don’t hurt me!”
At that very moment, Chase had walked into the room. “Why is there a fox in the living room?”
Marvin and the animal turned to look at him.
Clearing his throat, the entity on the floor said, “Well uh… this is actually… Jack.”
Chase burst into laughter, clutching his stomach. “That’s real funny, Marv,” he replied, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.
His laughter died down and the smile faded from his face after Marvin stared at him.
“Oh,” he breathed. “You’re not jokin’.”
The fox- Jack, growled, jumping off of Marvin.
Chase sighed, rubbing his temples. “Do you want to eat like… a bird or something?” He turned towards Jack.
I would like to remind anti that since the community created him, we are his parents, and as one of his many parents i can say that boy is fucking grounded
I may want to save him and all, but he is a little shit.
