Like
most people, I can’t stand when the “Microsoft” telemarketers call and
try to get information from me. I usually hang up on the immediately,
but one day I was feeling bored and decided to fuck around with them.
The call started as normal,
“Hello ma’am, your Microsoft computer has sent us an alert saying it has a virus.”
Now, I knew that none of my computers were infected, but I needed to
play the idiot. I told him that I had multiple Microsoft computers and
asked which one had the virus. After stumbling over his words for a
minute, he finally settled on “all of them” as a response. I kept asking
what the message said and eventually he handed me off to someone else
(without muting the line. I could totally hear him handing off the
receiver). This time, a female voice began speaking to me.
“What’s on your computer screen?”
“My desktop,” I say.
“What’s on your desktop?”
“Oh! A picture.”
“No, what applications are on your desktop?”
“My internet?”
At this point, she gives up and hands the phone back to the first guy
to ask me the same questions. When I give him the same dumb answers, I
get handed off to a third person, who is clearly supposed to be some
sort of manager.
“Do you think this is some sort of joke? Your computer has a virus! You need to tell us what’s on your computer!”
He keeps yelling at me, trying to intimidate me into giving him more information. I’m highly enjoying his tirade.
“If my computer sent you the message, shouldn’t you know what’s on it?”
That seems to completely set him off. He starts screaming at me,
telling me to suck his dick and finally calls me a prostitute. At that
point, I completely lose it and start laughing. I’ve never had anyone
call me that before, not even when I worked customer service. I caught
my breath long enough to tell him how easy it was to fuck with them and
hung up on him mid rant.
TL;DR: Scammers tried calling me, so I wasted 30 minutes of their day
Remember how Damien was always trying to help everyone? Remember how Damien vouched for us and the Colonel? Remember how he wanted to protect us? Remember how happy he was to see us? Remember how happy he was?
Remember how hurt he was by Mark’s death.
Remember how confused and shocked he was when he saw the corpse of one of his best friends. Remember how he tried to tell the Colonel what happened, and how upset he was when he saw the Colonel didn’t care. Remember how he tried to warn Celine, and how angry he was because she didn’t share his sentiments. Remember how alone and pissed he probably felt, because one of their best friends just died and he seemed to be the only one grieving. Remember how betrayed and angered he felt when he realized that Mark had taken advantage of them, of him. Remember how Damien only wanted the best for everyone, but ended up losing everything.
I hope you do remember Damien. Because I do.
By god do I remember the sweetness of Damien. And I grieve so deeply for him. 💜💙
my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.
Mermay is pretty much over but I wanted to do this and never really had enough time for it… until the last minute. But it’s here!! I really loved Jack’s playthrough of Subnautica so I just had to draw something! (i probably definitely got proportions wrong)
The Egos as Gods. Not like gods we know but them just as gods. Very powerful, they can look a little different, of course can have ‘real forms’ but have a more humanoid form. Very powerful. Just a God Chase Brody, a god of accuracy and precision but also of family. Every strike he makes is accurate, and can even rebound off of things and pierce. He has permanent marks down his face from crying so much and they glow and burn his skin. God Host is a silent observer, telling stories and has a magical library full of knowledge. His trench coat flutters and he can become like paper and disappear, pulling ink from books to attack. God Schneep is a god of medication and selflessness. He heals and heals but as he does so he damages himself, giving more and more of himself away. God Dark has a face that can change and shift. His real form has 4 faces. God of reflections, duality, anger. He smells sweet but sour at the same time.
What about Marvin? JJ? Anti? Jack? Etc.???? I NEED TO KNOW!!!
Jack: A good luck and positive God. Literally radiating light and happiness. The sight of him proves that good luck in coming your way.
Anti: A god of Corruption, and jealousy. Almost a foil to Jack. When he walks the land the grass dies behind him, the water turns to poison. Almost always covered in blood. Even that is corrupted, and causes illness.
JJ: God of silence, and of the arts. Not a major god but is a god people worship in theaters and plays. Lots of rituals involving him before a good play or show to hope that he’ll watch and bless it. If you walk into a place like a forest and it’s completely silent you know he’s there.
Marvin: God of felines and slight of hand. Lots of thieves worship him even though that’s not what Marvin wants. People are very suspicious of white cats as that’s said to be Marvin in disguise. There’s a card game about him.
I love this so much! What about Jackieboy Man?
Jackieboy: God of Protection and heroism. Is a real active god, the hero of alot of stories. You hear alot about him and a bunch of stories of his adventures.
