space-orc-oddities:

((Story for this: https://space-orc-oddities.tumblr.com/post/162917932993/ok-first-i-am-completely-in-love-with-your-blog))

Everyone wants a human on their fleet. Everyone needs a human on their fleet. Humas are stupidly brave, strong, smart, and thelist could go on. AS amazing and helpful as they were, they had a lot of annoying traits. The trait that annoyed Faul-iar the most? Humans’ tendencies to touch each and every thing. Especially wildlife that they deem ‘cute.’ Even xey xemself have been petted and touched by numerous humans who find xem cute! Many apologized after they learned xe hated being pet but still… it was annoying.

Even so, Faul-iar became victim to the humans’ amazing tactic called ‘bonding’ and of all the humans, he was more bonded to two of them. Valentina and Jacarei. And they both fascinated xem every single day. Especially the day when xey found out that humans have complete immunities to fatal toxins!

Faul-iar was sent with Valentina and Jacarei to a planet. It was a very well known planet, but the humans wanted to check it out. By humans, *all* the humans wanted to check it out. Now, a big group of humans together in a place they arent familiar with isa bad idea. So, they were sent down in group by group. Each group got a maximum of 2 hours. At least one of the species whowere familiar with the planet was sent with some humans. Faul-iar, Valentina, and Jacarei were the first group.

Now, remember how Faul-iar really hates humans’ needs to touch literally everything? This is where that annoyance came into play. Jacarei and Valentina were touching literally everything. Harmless Fauna, harmless flora, etc… It was kinda annoying just to watch. Faul-iar just rolled xer eyes and then looked away momentarily. That was a mistake. Immediately, xer humans were talking excitedly about something. The translator wasa little laggy so xe just leaned back and relaxed. That was til the translator actually kicked in.

“Oh my god Val look at that!”

“Its so adorable! So fluffy and cute!”

“And its pastel pink and yellow! Pastelmakes everything cuter!”

Faul-iar was immediately alarmed at hearing that. Fluffy, Pink and yellow? That was one of the most dangerous, and posionous species on the planet! Xe had to stop xer humans from touching it! Thisis why taking xer eyes off the humans was a mistake.

“Im gonna pet it!”

Xe started running to them,”No don-!” Xe was to late. Jacarei had in fact started petting the poisonous creature. They looked stunned for a moment before they immediately just perked up and started bouncing around a bit.

“Oh my god! Im really energized! Holy shit Holy shit Holy shit! Fuck yes I feel great!”

Faul-iar ran over to Jacarei. Xe was worried! Xe didnt want to lose of the humans xe bonded the most with! “That creature you has poisoned you with a fatal toxin!”

Valentina’s eyes widened and she started panicking.”What!? Oh no oh no!”

“I am afraid to! We must stay calm and get them back to the ship! Caffein-”

Valentina gave him a weird look, then looked at Jacarei. Both of them immediately started laughing. Valentina was laughing so hard, she fell to the ground, clutching her stomach. This would have alarmed Faul-iar but it is common knowledge humans’ torsos hurt when they laugh to hard.

“Why areyou two laughin! Jacarei! Youre gonna die!”

“No Im not dude! Look! Caffein is in coffee! Caffein is basically coffee! Its a common human drink meant to give you energy!” Jacareiwas talking so fast, Faul-iar’s translator was barely able to keep up.

“Wha-?”

“Its true, its true.” Valentina was still giggling as she stood back up.”Caffein isnt fatal to us.”

At that moment, Faul-iar was grateful that humans were on the side of the Alliance.