baronfulmen:

dimestoretajic:

amuseoffyre:

dreadlord-mr-son:

trainsinanime:

Just once, I want the hero to go “your wife/sister/mother/whatever would not have wanted this!”, and the villain to go, “actually, we talked about this a lot. She was really into vigilante justice and eye for an eye stuff. She always said, if something like this happens, avenge me.”

“Your mother never would have wanted this!”

“Wow you clearly never met my mother.”

“Your wife wouldn’t have wanted this!”

“To be honest, I’m following her list of instructions. Do you think I came up with this plan by myself?”

“Is this really what she would have wanted?”

“Actually, I think I have the video will on my phone, just a second…”

Baron Deathfist stopped just five millimeters from crushing the face of Silas Cantrell (gentleman adventurer).  “I’m sorry.  What did you just say?”
“I said, is this really what your wife would have wanted?  For your life to be consumed by revenge and hatred?  Look around you!”

Baron Deathfist didn’t need to look around to know what was going on, and in fact had a strictly-kept personal rule about looking away from heroes he was about to kill.  They acted all holier-than-thou, but he had learned the hard way that even the pure of heart weren’t above an old fashioned sucker punch.
“You’re referring to the fact that Knott’s Berry Farm is on fire?”
“Among other things,” Silas Cantrell (gentleman adventurer) said. “Think of Suzanna.  Think of what she would have wanted for you.”

“I… don’t think you know what you’re asking.  I don’t think I can do that.”
The protagonist stared into his eyes with a slightly uncomfortable intensity.  “You can do it.  For her.”
“Shit, I mean… If that’s seriously what you want.”  Baron Deathfist slammed his entire arm through Silas Cantrell (gentleman adventurer)’s stomach, hitting the stone wall behind him.
“I mean, I was going to make it quick.  You know?  One good hit to the head.  But fine, we’ll do it Suzanna’s way.  Let me… oh, jeez, I’m out of practice… let me get a car battery I guess.”
The hero just gurgled, his eyes rolling madly.
“She was a hoot, but… super scary.  Left me specific instructions on who and what to destroy if she died, and I’ve tried to go down the list but truth be told I’ve had to wear the kid gloves.  The things that woman wanted me to do!  This mess, this is nothing – they’ll put out the fires, villain insurance will cover most of the repairs.  Susanna wanted me to irradiate the whole place so nobody could ever come here again without getting brain tumors.  Like, she wanted me to do it while the park was open so it would take a few years for everyone to figure out why all these kids were dying of cancer.  I guess she had a fight with one of the folks at the ticket booth once, something about an expired coupon.”

Baron Deathfist dropped his nemesis to the ground.  “But anyway, enough chatting.  You wanted me to honor my wife’s wishes, so… hang on.  Let me see, car battery, and… do you think there’s a pet store around?  I’m going to need some live rats.”