If you call pedophilia a kink please unfollow me and never talk to me again
Isn’t it disgusting that 23 people just unfollowed me
Unfollow me too
this goes double if you call paedophilia a disability. unfollow me twice
and if you call pedophilia an “orientation” or in any way compare it to being LGBP+ you can unfollow, delete your blog, and set yourself on fire.
I just lost 50 followers.. bye
clearing out the trash
Get the fuck out, thanks.
Please and thank you.
If you in any way condone pedophilia under any circumstance unfollow me
I CANNOT stress this enough.
[strums ukelele] if you think pedophiles are in the LGBT community, a kink, or a disability, [Joji voice] PLEASE DONT EVER TALK TO ME YOU THINK THIS IS PART OF THE ACT BUT PLEASE DONT COME NEAR ME
apparently someone left their iphone in our store. the phone was found by a woman, henceforth known as “Terrible Lady,” when Phone Owner set off the “find my iphone” alarm. the alarm is accompanied by a “please contact this # if found” message. Terrible Lady utilizes this number to text Phone Owner, demanding $100 in return for the phone. Phone Owner says they can’t afford it, there’s some back and forth, etc. etc., and eventually Phone Owner threatens to call the cops.
Terrible Lady brings the phone (which is still making the obnoxious “find my iphone” noise, and continues to do for the duration of the encounter) to my register, complaining about the audacity of Phone Owner, as if refusing to pay the $100 is an egregious personal insult. i “mhm” a lot, silently judging her, but relieved she has sensibly decided to release the phone into the store’s custody so we can return it to Phone Owner without further drama.
LMAO WRONG
fifteen minutes later, after she has checked out, she comes by my register just long enough to say “make sure she pays the $100, i’ll call to see when i need to come pick it up!” and is out the door before i can even process the fact that this women genuinely thinks that the burlington fucking coat factory is going to be the middleman for her definitely unethical and most likely illegal lost iphone extortion scheme. (side note: i looked this up once i got home from work, and it turns out that, yeah, it’s totally illegal in our state)
sure enough, an hour later, Terrible Lady calls: “hi, is this cashier #5? [that’s not my name but thanks] has she brought the $100 yet??”
there are like 2 cashiers on duty and 20 people in line. i beg my manager to take the call, which: smart move. because my manager ends up on the phone with Terrible Lady for 20 minutes, telling her that we will, under no circumstances, require Phone Owner to pay $100 before we give them the phone. eventually, Terrible Lady realizes we mean business, and SHE threatens to call the cops on US because we took the phone from her “under false pretenses”
manager hangs up on Terrible Lady /end
What did I just read?
One of the most accurate depictions of how awful customers can be.
(If you want to suggest ideas for fanfics/stories, just like @alliedoesstuffdid, about anything from Youtubers to musicals to…well anything really, write me an ask here: https://alone-with-demons.tumblr.com/ask ! You can also just ask me questions there if you wish!)
We’re back again with another story, guys! This has got to be my favourite story suggestion by far! It was so much fun to write! I just hope I did the idea justice haha. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this one, and thanks for reading!
(Also, can you tell I’m still not over WKM? I found myself including quite a few references to it in this XD)
Enjoy!
***
“Um…” Chase
Brody said, holding up his t-shirt that was now a lovely shade of hot pink,
“I’m sorry…what the fuck?!” He was standing in the living room of the ego’s
apartment, topless and holding his newly-washed shirt away from him like it had
the plague.
Marin the
Magician, sat on the sofa watching ‘Dynamo: Magician Impossible’ on TV, burst
out laughing.
“What?!” Was
all he could say through his laughter, “What did you do?! Did you wash your
greys with colour or something?”
“I didn’t do
anything!” Chase protested, dropping his arms but keeping a hold of the shirt,
not wanting to put it on and humiliate himself even more. “I just put it in the
wash with everyone else’s clothes and it came out like this!”
Marvin
laughed harder, trying to speak but being unable to.
“I’m glad
someone’s finding this funny…” Chase said, getting slightly aggravated, “How do
I fix this?!”
“I’m…not
sure,” Marvin replied wiping his eyes calming himself down a little, “Hang on.”
With this,
Marvin sat up and cupped his hands around his mouth.
“Hey, Google!”
He called.
A moment later,
Google entered the room. He stopped dead in the centre and stared at them with
cold, emotionless eyes though his dark hair that matched Mark’s. In silence, he
raised an eyebrow, waiting for a question, however all he got in response was
laughter.
“I’m sorry,
I didn’t catch that.” Google said calmly.
“No…it’s
just…” Chase spat out, unable to speak for laughter, “Look…at your shirt…”
Google
furrowed its brow in confusion before looking down at itself. It was then it
realised its usual blue t-shirt with a glowing ‘G’ was now a bright shade of
pink. Even the glowing G was shining a dull pink colour.
“Ah.” Was
all it could say.
“Let me
guess,” Marvin said, “You put your shirt in the same wash as Chase’s?”
“I do not need
to wash, though Wilford suggested I put my clothes into the washing machine in
order to allow me to act more like a human.” Google replied in its dull,
robotic voice.
“Right…”
Chase said. Marvin was clutching his stomach, that was now starting to ache
from laughing.
“May I ask
what you called me in for?” Google asked, still not understanding why his shirt
becoming pink was so funny to the humans, “I do not believe you called me in to
simply laugh at my colour change.”
“Yeah,
Marvin,” Chase said, “What did you call this thing for? It always gives me the
creeps.”
“I was going
to ask it how to wash coloured dye out of clothes,” Marvin replied, “Though
judging by this I doubt it knows either!”
“It’s
literally google, isn’t it?” Chase asked, stepped back as Google glared at him
with cold, glassy eyes, “Google knows everything!”
“I guess…”
Marvin said. After a moment he stood up and said, ”Ok, Google: how do you wash
coloured dye out of clothes?”
After the
usual “bink bink!” sound Google made to indicate it had heard the question,
Google replied:
“How to Get
Dye Out of White Clothes:
1)
Mix a solution of Persil Bio Washing Powder and
the hottest water possible for your fabric.
2)
Soak your clothes in this solution for at least
30 minutes up to a few hours.
3)
Rinse in hot or warm water.
4)
Wash as normal in your washing machine.
5)
If the dye stain remains, repeat Steps 1 to 3.”
“Ok…” Marvin
said slowly, slightly confused, “I don’t think that’s what we want. What do
other people ask for, Google?”
“People also
ask:
How do you get
colour bleed out of clothes?
How do you
remove colour from fabric?
How do I
remove dye transfer from-“
“Alright
guys! Step aside! I’m a doctor!”
Suddenly,
Dr. Iplier strode through the door, the doctor’s coat unsurprisingly tainted
pink. He was shorty followed by two more clones of Mark, one holding a giant
video camera and the other holding a large fluffy microphone.
“Not you as
well!” Marvin chuckled, rolling his eyes.
“Yep. Me as
well.” The doctor replied, glancing down at his coat in dismay, “This was my
favourite coat as well! Goddamn it!”
“Who’s doing
this?!” Chase asked. He was finding it hard to stay mad now that it seemed
everyone else was sharing the same fate. Suddenly, the Mark clone with the
microphone leant close to him, so close their noses were almost touching. “Um…”
was all Chase could say, “Can I help you?” Almost as suddenly as he’d leant
forward, the man turned to the Mark holding the camera.
“It seems the
clothing catastrophe has continued to cause a conundrum, Jim,” Microphone Mark (as Chase had dubbed him since he didn’t know his actual name) said, staring intently into the camera lens, “We don’t know yet
who has caused this disaster, but we WILL find out. Even if we have to summon some
here demons to do it!” As he spoke, Microphone Mark walked round the circle of
egos, studying each of their clothes very carefully and walking around in a weird
squatting position, almost like he was constipated or something. Once he’d gone
around the whole circle, Microphone Mark turned to Camera Mark, said “Back to
you, Jim,” and signalled for the camera man to follow him out of the room in
that same stupid squatting/crawling walk he had.
“Who the
fuck were those two?!” Chase asked after a moment of silence.
“No idea,”
Dr. Iplier replied, “As far as I know, they’re new here. They call themselves
Jim or something stupid like that.”
“Rrrrrright…”
Chase said, “Getting back on topic, they don’t seem to have been (for lack of a
better word) dyed.”
“At least I’m
not the only one,” Marvin muttered, “Has this happened to anyone else?”
“Yeah, they
were some of the lucky ones,” Dr. Iplier said, “Jackaboy said Schneeple’s stuff
has apparently been dyed too, but he’s refusing to come out of his room out of embarrassment.”
“Aww, poor
Schneep,” Marvin said with a chuckle.
“What about
Anti? Or Dark?” Chase asked, “Have they been dyed? Because if so I DEFINITELY
want to see Anti wearing pink!”
“Do Anti or
Dark even need to wash…?” Marvin muttered.
“I don’t
think Anti’s been dyed,” Dr. Iplier said, “Dark though? Well…”
“Dark has
entered the room.” Google, who had stayed quiet this entire time, said.
Everyone turned.
Sure enough,
there was Dark, standing silently in the doorway, his usual deathly black suit
dyed the brightest shade of pink Chase had ever seen. The blue and red aura
that surrounded him seemed more intense than usual, wafting through the room
like smoke. He just stood there, silent, staring intensely at each of the egos
in turn.
Chase had
never seen Dark so angry.
His black
eyes were blazing with fury, and he had his fists clenched at his sides.
“Oh…h-hey
Dark…” Marvin said, trying to hide his chuckles behind his cat mask. Chase had
to turn away to avoid laughing out loud. He knew Dark would literally murder
him where he stood if he made a sound. Dr. Iplier snorted suddenly, clearing having
more trouble than Chase at hiding his laughs, but when Dark shot him a glare of
pure fury he shut up quickly. Google seemed to be the only one who didn’t react
to Dark sudden colour change.
“I see you’ve
been…um…dyed too…” Marvin continued, tears streaming down his cheeks. Dark
narrowed his eyes at Marvin as the red and blue aura grew, clouding up the
whole room.
“Which one
of you did this?” Dark said at last, quietly and calmly. Chase’s heartbeat sped
up slightly. When Dark spoke softly it meant he was REALLY pissed off.
“It was none
of us, I swear!” Chase piped up quickly, wiping his eyes and trying to conceal the
ache in his stomach that had formed from laughing so hard, “Look!” he pointed
at Dr. Iplier’s doctors coat, then his own t-shirt, then Google’s shirt, “And
Marvin didn’t put his clothes in that wash!” Dark narrowed his eyes at Chase
for a moment before relaxing slightly, seeming to believe the story.
“I’m going to
kill whoever did this, I swear…” Dark muttered, “I’ve already had those two Jim
idiots up in my face mumbling something about demons, I do not need this as
well!”
“That’s kind
of the point…we don’t know who did this,” Marvin said, “I mean, this is clearly
some sort of prank, but who do we know that likes to prank people…?”
“And has an
obsession with pink…?” Dr. Iplier added, deep in thought.
Suddenly, it
dawned on them. The one person that loved pranking just about everyone they
could get their hands on. The one person who loved to jump into pools in
pink-striped swimming suits. The one person who had an unhealthy obsession with
pink for a fully-grown man.
Suddenly,
Dark moved, turning and striding out of the room. He stormed up the stairs,
making the stairs creak with each footfall.
“WARFSTACHE!!”
He roared.
TAG LIST (if you want to be tagged in my stories, let me know! I’ll be happy to add you to the list!)
Bottles of Gatorade Blue Bolt floating in a bath of Powerade Mountain Blast, 2013
I can’t tell if this is seriously art or if it’s just tongue in cheek sarcastic art or if it’s post-ironic ironic art, or ironic art, or literally just a joke and that is so not okay.
Aesthetic
Your Honor, there is a clear contradiction in this photo.
As you can see from this piece of evidence, Gatorade bottles are topped with an orange lid.
But in the photo above, the lids are black. Which means that the bottles in this photo can’t be Gatorade bottles.
Mr. Wright, didn’t you go to art school? I sure didn’t, but I still know what happens when you mix orange and blue!
In case you forgot, take a look at this!
If you look closely, you can even see an orange tint!
And what else can you see? The classic gatorade G. Your honor, I think this case is closed!
Commission for @letsrevitup! Requested was an embrace, a sad hug and moment between Dark and William, shortly after the events of Chapter four (wHICH BTW BROKE MY HEART, thanks @markiplier!)
I asked if I could post this on my account as well, so here you go! A big thanks to them for letting me draw this sad piece for them. I had a very good time working on this, as much as it hurt! :’)
