You wanna get people to hate you? Just claim the whole fucking sky belongs to your favorite kink.
the sky belongs to bisexuals now sorry str8s
I have legal rights on the sky purely because you called my sexuality a “kink” you piece of shit. You’re legally not allowed to look at the sky any more. Fuck you.
(warnings: transphobia, almost an anti-gay slur, swearing and mentions of hailing satan)
Patton was getting married today.
This was his wedding. There were
beautiful decorations in almost every room of the mansion. Everyone was in a
busied rush. People gave him congratulations and were so happy for him. So why wasn’t
he happy?
Simple.
Cause not only this was a forced marriage by his parents, he was transgender.
Here he was, staring at the person in the mirror. The person he so desperately
tried to leave behind. There was no Patton
here. Not in his damned parent’s mansion. No, there was only Patricia. And Patricia
was staring back at him. His nightmare with pigtail extensions, heavy makeup
and a white poofy gown was staring at him.
His stupid mother had dressed him herself. She kept commenting how he was “a
beautiful bride” and how “this was always her happiest dream”.
“I do wish you didn’t get rid of your breasts Patricia. The dress is slipping
down.” She said.
“Good. And its Patton.”
“Shush with that trans crap. You were born a woman and so you shall act like
one. No more of this nonsense. Now at least pretend you’re at a wedding and not
a funeral.”
Patton frowned at his mother. He didn’t like being “rebellious” but he was starting
to feel like a brat. He constantly pulled his extensions out. He purposely smudged
his makeup. Heck he let the dress fall. However it was no use. His mother put
the fake hair back in. The makeup lady came back to reapply the goop. His cousin
pushed the dress back in place. Patton refused to cry. He would be strong
during this hell. However his lower lip started to tremble.
“You look gorgeous dear. Please just do this for us. The man you’re marrying is
a smart and wealthy one. He’ll treat you right.” His mother tried to soothe.
Patton frowned once more.
“He’s not Logan.”
His mother sighed and tried once more. She smiled once more and started getting
herself ready.
“I know he looks intimidating, but he had dinner with us a
week ago. He’s really a sweetheart.”
“He isn’t Virgil.”
Now his mother was frowning. However once more she plastered that stupid fake
grin on her face.
“Have you heard him sing? He sounds like an angel Patricia!”
“Roman sings better.”
Before his mother could snap at him someone knocked on the door.
“Are you ready? The wedding is in five!” someone said.
“Yes!” Patton’s mother said.
Patton felt his heart beat faster. Nervous sweat was definitely dripping from
places. His mother grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Soon they were at
the massive ballroom where his parents used to throw parties when he lived
here. The massive dark wood doors were closed. He could hear the 500 people
chattering on the inside. On the outside was Patton’s dad.
“You look gorgeous Patricia.” He said with a fond grin.
Patton glared at him.
“I may be a girl in your eyes today, but im Patton. Im a man.”
“Shush the wedding is starting.”
The wedding march began to play and two butlers opened the massive wooden
doors. Patton’s father linked arms with him and began to walk him down the long
red carpet aisle. Patton felt wobbly in the white stilettos his mom made him
wear. As picture lights flashed Patton wobbled, fell, wobbled, tripped and fell
again. Everyone was laughing at him. It hurt so much.
His father let him go to stand before his “groom”. The man looked just as
uncomfortable as Patton was. Patton pitied him and tuned out the priest’s speech.
Instead Patton looked around the room. On his side of the room, all of his
family and family friends were there. His many cousins, his aunts and uncles,
grandma, his grandfathers, heck even his neighbors were there. They all were smiling.
They had proud tears in their eyes like Patton had just got out of drug rehab
or something. It made him very uneasy.
“Now for the vows. Do you, Edward Olekson, take Patricia Sanders, as your lawfully
wedded wife?”
Please.
“To have and to hold, in sickness and in health?”
Someone stop this!
“To love forever, until death do you part?”
“I do sir.”
The priest turned, smiling to Patton.
“And do you Patricia Sanders, take Edward Olekson, to be your lawfully wedded
husband?”
I don’t want this!
“To have and to hold, through sickness and in health?”
Help me!
“To obey, to serve, and to laugh with
for the rest of your days?”
No!
“To love forever until death do you part?”
“I-“
BAM!
The big dark wood doors burst open. When Patton turned his head, tears fell
down his face immediately.
There they were. Logan, Roman and Virgil were here! And whats more, they were
dressed in wedding gowns! They had extensions in their hair! They had heavy makeup
on! And they looked pissed!
“Scuse me! Gay guys coming through!” Roman called.
Roman easily power walked through the aisle. However, Virgil had Logan holding
on to him cause poor Logan couldn’t walk in heels. Wait, they all were in
heels?! Patton started laughing and crying in relief.
“Who are you?!” Patton’s father demanded.
“Just some gays trying to get our man back.” Logan said.
“Yeah it was fucked up what you did to your son y’know. Forcing him to be
married like this.” Virgil said while examining his nails.
Roman grinned and took Patton’s hands.
“Sorry we’re late for your wedding my love. Are you ready to leave a bit early?”
Patton nodded and started sobbing. Roman pulled Patton in the best hug he’s
ever had in his life.
“Get away from my daughter you fa-“
Patton didn’t want to be here anymore.
“Lets go loves!”
Patton’s boyfriends grinned, ignoring the words from
everyone else in the room. They were about to leave when Patton’s father grabbed
him. However Logan acted quickly. He took off one of his heels and threw it at
the pissed off man. While that was a distraction, Logan kicked off his other heel
and picked Patton up. With a whoop from Roman the boys ran down the red carpet
aisle. While he was laughing, Patton heard Virgil yell.
“Hail satan! Hail
satan!”
Outside was Logan’s car. Roman quickly got in the passenger
seat while Logan deposited Patton in the back seat. Within a few seconds Virgil
jumped into the other seat in the back and shut the door.
“Drive man drive!”
Logan pressed hard on the gas and the car sped off. As the lovers left, Patton
turned his head to see a crowd of people pouring out of the mansion. A grin
made it’s way to Patton’s face once again. He kept looking until he felt
something slip out of his hair. He turned to see Virgil was pulling his veil
and extensions out.
“Not to be rude or anything, but everything looks tacky.” He said as he got
some makeup wipes out of a bag on the floor.
Patton laughed and looked at the men in the front of the car. Roman looked back
at him with a wide grin in return.
“Thank you guys f-“
“Don’t. It would be insane if we didn’t come for you Patton.” Logan said,
looking at Patton from the mirror.
“This is what Prince Charmings do for other Prince Charmings!” Roman added.
“Pat we’d never leave you to those fuckers. We love you too much.” Virgil said
as he wiped the drugstore makeup off of Patton.
Patton giggled once more. He felt like he could cry, but there were no more
tears left. Good. Patton didn’t like crying. Logan stopped by some fast food
place and ordered everyone food and milkshakes. The look on the employee who
gave them their things was priceless.
“Wait wait can we take a picture of y’all?” A woman employee asked.
“Of course!” Patton and Roman replied.
So after a few ridiculous posed pictures, they made their way back on the road.
Patton sipped his milkshake happily and rested his head on Virgil’s bare
shoulder.
“Why are you guys wearing dresses and stuff by the way?” Patton asked.
“It was to show those fiends a thing or two!” Roman said before sipping his own
milkshake.
“We figured you would be comfortable if we were dressed like you. Y’know..four
men in wedding shit.” Virgil added as he stroked Patton’s head.
“It also was to make you laugh Patton. After something horrible like that you
deserve to laugh. It’s one of the best things about you after all.” Logan
concluded.
Patton smiled and nuzzled Virgil.
“You guys are the best. You guys are the most amazing boyfriends in the world.”
So Patton wasn’t a “bride” that day. He was a
boyfriend to people who loved him the most. And that was the only thing that
made Patton happy on his “wedding day”.
Why are there not more notes on this?! It’s amazing!
THANK YOU
This is fucking glorious and you are a god!
Also
Hail Satan!
XD thank you.
And also
THE POWER OF CHIRST COMPELLS YOU
This was quite possibly the most hilarious wedding fic I have ever read in my life oh my god
The start was sad and made me a little mad but oh my god by the end I was cackling
THIS
THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE SHIT LIKE THIS
THIS IS SHIT I WANNA BE ABLE TO WRITE
THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT
CUTE ADORABLE YES I LOVE THIS I LOVE HOW IT ENDED I JUST I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE
I went from almost crying for Patton to actually crying of laughter
This is the only correct way to do the “interrupting the wedding” trope
I don’t care where you are, Massachusetts, Kansas, Alaska, South Dakota, wherever. I don’t care what you are, animal rights advocate, LGBTQ+, feminist, whatever. I don’t care why you’re here, finding memes, chatting with friends, looking for inspiration, whatever the reason, whatever you’re doing here….stop and reblog this.
Net neutrality can still be saved. We just need one more vote to save it. ONE more vote! ONE! Check the list at battleforthenet.com and make sure your senator is supporting net neutrality. If not, contact them.
i genuinely hope anyone ages 13-15 on this website (or, god forbid, younger) stays safe and keeps their private information secure and really private
please, if you’re really young on tumblr, try not to get swept up in the discourse and the tremendous amount of arguing with strangers that goes on here. i know you probably feel mature for your age but this website, like, really psychologically affects youth, and i encourage you to be cautious about your interactions with people on here
please, kiddos, stay safe
additionally, for my young, non-adult followers,
depression memes about wanting to die aren’t a healthy coping mechanism and can lead to worsening symptoms of your own mental health if overindulged in
you are not garbage. or trash. i know these terms are popular on here, but you shouldn’t be calling yourself that. you have everything you need inside of you to become your best self, even if it’s hard to see that
seriously, really don’t trust adults who want to date you. don’t trust adults who call you hot, flirt with you, ask you sexual questions, or ask you for nudes. (that last one is VERY illegal, also, please get help from a trusted non-creepy adult if this happens to you)
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Thank you for not just insulting us and telling us to get off the website. I appreciate this so much.
of course! i was a kid on the internet starting really young (AKA a 9-year old lying to get on 13+ websites lol, definitely wasn’t a good idea but it happened nevertheless) and i know the Growing Up Online™ experience. if you’re gonna be on tumblr, be on here the safe way!
and definitely be safe from creepy adults, seriously. & safety privacy matter a lot for young people!
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