squigglydigglydoo:

squigglydigglydoo:

squigglydigglydoo:

@monpian (IDK why I can’t tag you) has just informed me that Sonic the Hedgehog is literally canonically an alien and the games refuse to explain that

SO

AT THE END OF SONIC 3

Y’all know this big mural, yeah? the prophecy predicting the end of it?

ok so buckle the fuckle in cuz this is about to get messy

BEFORE I GET STARTED, THOUGH, bear in mind that this is all based on the chronological release of the games.  What I’m tackling here only makes sense up to the SEGA split between Japan and the US, where the development of the series became less cohesive and started going in two different directions.  In other words: a lot of this was retconned.

SO, JAPAN

Japan REALLY loves its DBZ.  We all already know Super Sonic is basically a big Super Saiyan joke, right?  7 Dragon balls, 7 chaos emeralds, going blond and sparkly and superpowered?  All on the same page?  Ok, good, good

We also all know that the Echidna civilization is basically a parody of Atlantis, right?  Okay?  Knuckles is the last “Atlantean?”  aight cool excellent SO

IN SONIC ADVENTURE TWO

we learn that Gerald Robotnik was trying to create the ultimate lifeform.  now, you gentlepeople reading this are likely familiar with the English version of the game, which leaves a lot unexplained – what was the Biolizard, exactly, in relation to Shadow?  Was the Biolizard really the ultimate life form?  Was Shadow?  If they’re both attempts to create the same thing, why do they look so vastly different?

Why does Shadow look so much like Sonic?

We learn that Gerald Robotnik managed to create Shadow using a bit of alien DNA and splicing it into his creation.  Shadow was the result.  So… again, if he’s part alien, why does he look so much like Sonic?

It’s implied that Gerald came across some strange things in his search for the secret to immortality.  Because the Chaos Emeralds are, starting with Sonic 3 and continuing through the rest of the series from then on, not just a gimmick but an actual central plot element, we know that any lore to do with them is also central.  It is, then, a reasonable inference that Gerald came across the ancient Echidna murals from Sonic 3 and Sonic Adventure, depicting grand battles with horrific beasts and, in the case of Sonic 3, a hero using the power of the emeralds to fight back.

There are two possibilities for the Sonic 3 mural: either it’s a prophecy, or it’s a historical record of a battle that happened long ago, in a “history is doomed to repeat itself” sense.  Either way, this begs the question of “why did the echidnas know about Sonic?  Why did they know he could turn super like that?”

Either Sonic himself was around back then, another of Sonic’s kind was around back then, or they simply made a prediction based on what they knew.  However you take it, they had to have known of Sonic.

Now, let’s head back to the present again.  Sonic is one-of-a-kind in this series – at this point, we’ve met another hedgehog, but Amy isn’t anything like Sonic.  She’s got that hammer and boatloads of determination, but she’s hardly superpowered.  Sonic is the only character with a true inherent superpower: the power of speed.  He also arguably achieves the most powerful super-form of all the characters, in that like the others, he is invincible, but his speed still far outmatches all the others’.  He is also capable of achieving multiple super states, even at this early point in the series (Hyper Sonic).

Shadow is the only other character who’s shown to rival Sonic’s specific skills… and he is only able to exist by way of having been created with alien DNA.  Even then, however, Shadow is only able to perform Chaos Control with real Chaos Emeralds, as is reasonable.  Sonic, however, can perform it even with a fake emerald – using the far lesser energy it contains.  He doesn’t even practice – it comes naturally to him.

See where I’m going with this?

The only way to even get close to Sonic’s capabilities, as portrayed by the mural on Sonic 3… was to use alien DNA.  These abilities were not naturally-occurring on Earth, at least to Gerald’s knowledge.

How did Gerald get that idea?  Why, from the same place where he initially got the inspiration to make Shadow after the Biolizard experiment failed – the same place he got the idea to model Shadow after a hedgehog.  The Sonic 3 Echidna mural – which, based on Gerald’s appearance, he might have mistaken to depict somebody of his visage giving the Chaos Emeralds to somebody of a hedgehog’s appearance.  I mean, look at it.  Without context, it’s an easy mistake to make.

In the Japanese version of SA2, Shadow specifically realizes, and vocalizes, that Sonic is, in fact, the true ultimate life form.  This doesn’t happen in the English version.  The JP voice acting in the ending of the game also has Sonic realizing, musing to himself, about how Shadow was created to be the “ultimate life form”… in a way that pretty clearly shows he’s wondering what that means for him.

Now, look at all this again with the lens of understanding that, like a lot of Japanese media at the time, it was using the same kind of story tropes as DBZ.  Super-advanced alien race comes to a planet, bestows its knowledge upon that planet’s people; those lucky people get to enjoy advanced alien knowledge and technology as a result.  Eventually these people die out, leaving one guardian (often one who doesn’t fully understand his own past) to protect their secrets.

Echidnas, with Knuckles as the sole heir, who doesn’t even know enough to recognize his ancestors’ savior/benefactor from the prophetic murals.

The sole member of the super-advanced alien race gets separated from his ancestors, possibly as the last of his kind.  He grows up, unaware of what he really is, and makes friends with the local inhabitants.

Not Goku or Superman.  Sonic.

Shadow doesn’t look like Sonic in spite of the alien DNA spliced into him.  He looks like Sonic BECAUSE of it.

Sonic is the creature Shadow was created to imitate.  Shadow was specifically designed to imitate Sonic, and the only way to achieve this was to use alien DNA.  Going backwards from here, this also means that the Chaos Emeralds, which seem to be conducive to Sonic’s natural talents, might not have originated from the echidnas – no, they might have originated from the being they engraved in their murals as some kind of protective deity.  Knuckles hasn’t just ben protecting the secrets of the echidnas all these years – he’s been protecting the secrets of Sonic’s origins.

And neither Sonic nor Knuckles realizes it.  The only one to canonically realize what’s going on is Shadow, who came to the conclusion that Sonic was, in fact, the ultimate life form.

And then Shadow died, and was intended to stay dead, until the USA branch of SEGA made him his own game. 

Meaning he was meant to die with Sonic’s secret… and Sonic would never learn who and what he really is.

TD;DR: THE ANALOGY BETWEEN SONIC AND GOKU GOES A HELLUVA LOT DEEPER THAN JUST A ONE-OFF SUPER SAIYAN JOKE, MY DUDES.  SONIC IS LITERALLY GOKU, SHADOW IS LITERALLY THIS STORY’S VERSION OF VEGETA, AND KNUCKLES IS FUCKING KRILLIN

friendlytroll:

talesfromtreatment:

Today I got to go on one of our runs to more rural shelters to help relieve overcrowding there. We ended up bringing back 21 kittens and 10 dogs. So fun day. But this morning, while I was getting stuff together in preparation for the 90 minute drive…. This happened.

Excuse you Tiniest Opossum, but you are NOT allowed to escape through the front bars of the cat carrier we were housing you in. I’m going to put you back.

“NO!”

I am going to catch you and put you back and you have no say in this matter.

“NO!”

Catching you and putting you back now.

“NOOOOOO!”

Aaaand back you go. Let go of the purple towel and go in the cardboard box.

“Noooooooooooo!”

very tiny quiet ‘born to be wild’ plays

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

thebootydiaries:

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”