So there’s a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our felow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her ‘big and though’ boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. “Go ahead” I say. The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?“ Instantly the gang-banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I don’t smile because I was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare
The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?
wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs
also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything
what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??
Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.
Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.
Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show
Y’all suspect af😂
*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*
Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash
Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police
Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.
Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.
all this info is good for writing
but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed
ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone
Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.
Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same
Reblogging for *educational* purposes 🙂
This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.
use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.
Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?
I love learning.
If you buy a ticket to a show and tell everyone you saw it, have someone actually go see it and tell you what it was about because they absolutely will ask about that alibi
Also if you’re going to do the ticket to the show thing, make yourself memorable. Pay with $100, pay in pennies, have your dog.
Enrichment is a foundation of animal care, not an option
It is also not a synonym for entertainment.
Enrichment allows and animal the option to perform a variety of natural behaviors. It is a measureable science benefitting physical and brain health.
If you cannot spare time to provide as basic and indispensable as enrichment, then having a pet is not the right thing for you
—mod Nick
This is incredibly important. All animals need mental and physical enrichment when they’re in human care.
However. This does not mean that if you did not know your pet needed enrichment when you first got it – or if you were not able to be in control of if a pet was given enrichment – that you’re inherently a bad person and should never have pets. I’ve seen a lot of blogs shaming people for how their childhood pet was treated, or for what care they provided their first pet when they knew very little about taking care of an animal.
Would it be ideal if everyone did a ton of research before getting a pet and never messed anything up? Absolutely. But that’s also not realistic. I’d much rather encourage people to do better and praise them for admitting they made a mistake and choosing to make a change in their husbandry protocols rather than attack them for their past. If someone realizes they’re not doing the right thing for their animal and genuinely wants to learn, we need to support them.
Enrichment is vital and necessary, but it’s far more beneficial for your pets to change what you can now and for the future, rather than dwell on the past. What’s important is that you make the choice to provide enrichment once you’ve learned it’s needed. It’s when someone knows their husbandry is lacking and isn’t willing to put in the time or effort it fix it that the above statements really apply.
Star-struck Interviewer: “You must miss the good old days.”
Steve Rogers: “I grew up in a tenement slum. Rats, lice, bedbugs, one shared bathroom per floor with a bucket of water to flush, cast iron coal-burning stove for cooking and heat. Oh, and coal deliveries – and milk deliveries, if you could get it – were by horse-drawn cart. One summer I saw a workhorse collapse in the heat, and the driver started beating it with a stick to make it get up. We threw bricks at the guy until he ran away. Me and Bucky and our friends used to steal potatoes or apples from the shops. We’d stick them in tin cans with some hot ashes, tie the cans to some twine, and then swing ‘em around as long as we could to get the ashes really hot. Then we’d eat the potato. And there were the block fights. You don’t know what a block fight was? That’s when the Irish or German kids who lived on one block and the Jewish or Russian kids who lived on the next block would all get together into one big mob of ethnic violence and beat the crap out of each other. One time I tore a post out of a fence and used it on a Dutch kid who’d called Bucky a Mick. Smacked him in the head with the nails.”
A Glitch Named Anti 