ask-nickvalentine:

Hello? Is this thing working? Well, I guess it doesn’t matter, I don’t need someone to listen, I just need to confess. Whoever finds this holotape, I ask you don’t judge me. Please give me that much, this is a church after all. Yet not sure if it matters, I bet you don’t remember what it was like before the bombs fell. I’m not sure if anybody remembers, least not like what I do. This old church you’re standing in, is a shadow of what it once was. It’s heartbreaking to see what this world has become. What I’ve become. I did something, terrible today. I don’t think any confession or apologies can ever make me forgive what I did today, let alone the family. Where do I even start? I suppose I should tell you who I am. My name is Nick Valentine, I’m a synth detective in Diamond City.
I was lead to this church on a case. One of the daughters belonging to a new merchant in town’s daughter went missing. A few days later he received a ransom in the mail, five hundred caps and they would let the girl go.That’s where I come in, twenty caps of pay, I took the case. Didn’t matter the pay. Didn’t matter if the daughter was one of the most well known synth haters in town. Somebody needed help, you offer. That’s a motto I’ve always lived by. Besides, who else would help him for that little pay? Hell you couldn’t get anyone in this town to even listen to your case for less than a hundred, let alone go through the hell I did. I was dragged through six locations until I found this place and that was nearly when I was about to have given up. It took me a week to track them down and to a church of all places.
Now, normally I’d lure the perp out of the church and deal with him off of holy ground, but it’s not like how it was back then. Can you believe, a Church was where families and communities gathered to spread good will? Walking into a Church now, you sure as hell wouldn’t know it. I remember when it was common decency not to arrest someone in Church. It used to be that one holy sanctuary, now you can’t walk into one without a ghoul munching on ya or risk getting shot. Matter of fact I didn’t even need to get into the Church to be shot at. It’s like they were expecting me or something, they had two guards ready at the door. I warned them at first, they didn’t have to do this. I told them they can just give up and go home. Go about their lives like this never happened. They were too stupid to listen. I ended up killing them, then going inside killing least three of raiders. Leaving just me, the girl, and the head honcho behind this kidnapping scheme.
That girl, she’s more than just a regular case to me. She’s become so much more in the short amount of time I spent trying to fix to rescue her. It would be disrespectful to not say her name, you have the right to know. You have the right to know about her and know what happened to her here. If her father gets a hold of this holotape, if anyone who knew here get this. I’m sorry. Here name, was Cindy. Cindy was a nineteen year old girl, barely even starting out her life, sweet and kind to everyone but synths, least that’s what I hear and gather. I didn’t know her, and maybe that’s a good thing I didn’t, or maybe it would have been a good thing, I don’t know. Maybe this whole thing would have played out differently.
Anyways, Cindy was taken hostage, lucky enough for me that Raider was dumb enough to believe my lies. I told him I was a Courser in training and that girl was wanted by the institute. If I took her in I’d be rewarded by with a new body. If I failed more Coursers would come for her. I should have known better. Not only did the Raider turn tail and run, Cindy was convinced I worked for the institute too. Right after I untied her she bolted toward the nearest gun. Before I can make sense and say my side, she pulled that gun to her head. I don’t think that kid had the heart to turn that gun on me, she seemed too kind to even have something like that on her conscious. I also wouldn’t blame her, if she did believe my lie. Nobody that has went into the institute has ever made it back. It hasn’t been recorded and it’s hard to say what happens when you are taken. I tried my best to calm her down, take the gun away, but the slander she used nearly got me to my breaking point. She was too scared beyond reasoning. I had proof: a note from her father, case files. Anything you’d need to know I was here to help and she wasn’t buying it.
Normally, I’d just walk away at this point, but I was stuck. You can’t just leave a lady out here to fend for herself in the middle of the wastes, also you can’t just knock her out. I’d stand there staring letting her scream to me. It would be a plain out lie to say what she said didn’t get to me. What stood out the most was the endless use of the word “abomination” and “that Diamond City would hang me one day.” Just imagining this city turning on me, after all I’ve done for it and put into my agency. My life is centered around helping these people. Just makes me think, does anything I do matter? I’m still a synth at the end of the day. So no matter what I do, I can’t really be seen as the detective that helps people. Barely gripping my feelings, I had stood there too long. Cindy saw I wasn’t going to budge and she took the shot. Nothing I could do.
If I had taken my approach differently and pretended to give that crook the caps he asked for maybe this would have gone differently. Worst part is, I can’t even give her a proper burial. It’s going to be hard to explain this to her family. It’s not like I’ve never delivered bad news before, but it’s rarely my own fault. No. Perhaps it’s not my fault, I can’t help what I look like or what I am, but then again maybe it is. I should have known better to say what I did. God, if you’re listening don’t let this girl suffer for her sin of killing herself here. It’s my fault, I’ll take this sin on my hands, and hopefully one day I can atone for it. Next case, I won’t let this happen again. I promise you, and for whoever’s listening. If you have the tools please, bury her. She deserves that much.