The Diplomat

storiesabouthumanandthings:

This idea came to me a while ago and seeing how humans reacted to humans and aliens and what comes next…

Captain’s Log: Day 90 of 854

We travel with a SEAD diplomat between every planet. Their job is to help the rest of the crew learn the known customs before landing to make the best impression and to help if anyone crosses a line. They are standard with every ship but we have one of the few human diplomats. We are wary of this knowing their spontaneous nature as a species and their history has been riddled with war. But Varvara has passed all tests needed to be a diplomat. When it was discovered the Varvara hailed from Russia, many of the other humans distrusted her at first. It was explain to us that Russia is known as is strong country on Earth and that other countries, namely those who hail from the states that are united distrust all from Russia. But this is old blood and for unknown reasons, has not been forgotten. At this point, most don’t know what the feud is about anymore.

Since she has been on the ship though, she has preformed all of her duties as expected and helps others when loading and unloading supplies during surveys and restocking. She has made many friends on the ship, across species and among other humans. This calmed our worries until we overheard a group of humans calling her a Kirkian. They questioned her Diplomatic skills but hinted at that she must have other skills. Some wished they had her other skill, some wished they could see her use her other skill. Some thought her skill was disgusting. We disrupted the group quickly. We will not have this kind of talk on our ship that could lead to discord and disruption of duties. But not knowing the term Kirkian and what other skill she has been using, we needed more data. That is where our mistake began.

We first got with Alyssa to see if she could disrupt any negative talk that may float around without disclosing who it was about. She agreed easily enough but when we asked what a kirkian was, she turned a bright shade of red, we thought at first she was suffering air loss. She simply stated she could not explain and walked away. We felt that she was lying but to force her in any action could spell doom for the being pressuring.

We then got with Zander 9. We knew he was well studied in human culture and was with the group that helped train others with Varvara. We asked what a Kirkian was. We were careful on how we asked, due to how the other humans spoke of the term and with Varvara. We did not want him to think differently of his superior. He stuttered and muttered his answer where we could not understand. His tentacles began to move frantically to the point we were beginning to think he may tangle within himself. We then ask if we need to talk privately, he blurted out, “ Oh Thank Cthulhu, Yes.” We went into our room for this talk. We spoke over our desk. He explained that a Kirk was another annoying Earth television reference. If we didn’t know better, the TV was humans holy device that the gods speak through. Kirk was another space captain. At first this sounded good, they were regarding her in a captain-ly manner. It was later brought to our attention that Kirk was from that awful show that the crew force the name change of the ship over.

As Zander 9 continued, he explained that a kirkian was someone known for taking charge of the negotiations and often got what they wanted by any means necessary. This was slightly worrisome that she maybe risking more than she should but not anything more worrisome than most human actions. That was until 9 got to the final explanation and why other humans were using as an insult. He was known to have great negotiation skills that he often combined with his flirtatious manner in order to get females into his bed. He then informed us that Varvara could fall under this category except she far more professional and does not the have gender limitations. He stated that he has seen her skills in action in a professional setting, out preforming many other diplomats. He then warned that we should not ask this topic with humans as it is a sensitive among themselves and can cause issues at the simple mentioning of the term. 

Now knowing the term, we dismissed Zander 9, thanked him for his knowledge, and asked to keep this meeting private. He understood well and left. We later called in Varvara and confronted her about the rumor about her. She stated she knew of the term and knew what the others are saying. She proceeded that she knew where her duties lie and that we should not be concerned. We suggested to get regular health checks to which she agreed, stating she does that already, and that anymore discussion about her actions while off duty “are nobodies business but her own and if they have issues, Come find me and we can sort it out. One way or another. I mean, that is my job after all.”

We are not very reassured by her final statement but we do agree that here actions are ok as long it does not interfere with her duties. As stated by Zander 9, Varvara has been preforming well and has taught us and the crew many things. This issue could have been solved much quicker if i remember who Kirk was from that horrible show that lies about a science ship duties. We wish to say that this will be the most awkward conservation we will have but as humans seem to assure me again and again, “it can always be worse.” I will need to find Alyssa and apologize as this was a topic she was obvious not comfortable with. I believe this maybe the worse they were talking about.

End Log…