The silence that fell before them after that last question…. The air it brought… It was so thick it could be sliced with a knife. He hesitated. Gaster hesitated at the question… But he had just told him he would answer any of his questions, right? He had to do it. He had to. It was a topic he always avoided, but… If it was going to help another Gaster from ending up in this forsaken place… It would be worth it.
“Yes.” The words finally came. His voice was shaking, and it only escaped him after a break. He had to keep his composure.
“I-I…” he continued, having to clear his throat to be able to get his next words out. “I am ashamed to admit that I more than deserved what happened to me.”
“Doctor Gaster, many of us have done things… horrible things. While I do see the error of my ways now, and I do believe my punishment was more than deserved… I did things back then that led me here…” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. This time, however… He could not bring himself to face the mirror.
“In my pursuit of taking back the freedom of monsters, and to make life better for all of them… I began to research ways to make monsters stronger. If we were as strong as humans, if we had the determination that humans did… Our dream of escaping the prison we were all enslaved into, and taking back our lives from he hands of humans would be fulfilled. I…” He stammered again, his eyes now cast down, and the glow of his pupils fading into complete darkness.
“I-I….I tried to make things better for everyone. I tried to make monsterkind strong and powerful so we could… we could take back our home… I wanted my sons to see the outside world, I wanted… I wanted our freedom. For my lover, the King, my friends, my sons… “ He couldn’t handle it. At the thought of all of this, his voice began to break. His breathing became labored, and black, inky tears began to flow from his eyes.
“I did terrible things, Doctor Gaster. I thought what I was doing was good, but I only made everyone suffer. I became… a monster. I hurt them all, I hurt… M-My sons, I…”
“I just wanted to save Sans’ life. He was dying, and he was weak… A human got him. A human that fell down to the underground almost killed my baby…I just wanted to save him, but I… What I made him and many other fallen monsters go through was monstrous, and in return I…” He paused, placing a hand over his face.
“I-I’m sorry..” He cut himself off before he could finish. He tried to even out his breathing, but it was too much. “After all these years… the memories of this still haunt me. Forgive me…” He sighed, trying to get back on topic.
“I… I was…. I was thrown inside the Core. I was out of control, I was out of line, and I had caused too much pain to those I loved..” He spoke softer now as he tried to keep himself steady.
“Doctor Gaster… I don’t know what you have done with your own time as the Royal Scientist. I don’t know what you have done in your own timeline, or what your future may hold, but I… I know many of us made different mistakes. Whatever it is… that your next experiments will be… You need to know. You need to know that this is a fate that has befallen upon many of us, and that can come for any of us at any second.”
“Whatever it is you do, Gaster…”
“You must not commit the terrible sins that we have. You must keep your soul in the right place, and you must promise… That you will be different than us. That you will do the right thing…”
What could he say to that? He couldn’t argue. Every word the mirror said was dripping with heart-wrenching truth. There was nothing fake about the anguish in his eyes.
Gaster had to swallow the emotion threatening to break in his own throat. How could he refuse this poor man’s request? He would have to be completely soulless to turn this broken heart away.
“I… pro-”
The thing in his lab.
“…!”
It wasn’t too late. The project could still be halted. It was a long way from reaching a completed state; it couldn’t possibly be put to use yet.
And if this was the future it would create… then…
“I promise.”
Gaster felt his breath leave him. He straightened his back, as though a great weight had been lifted from it, and as he inhaled he felt the air fill every part of his lungs.
Ah, yes. He had been waiting for this. For something to stop him.
It hurt to admit it. He felt his stomach twist painfully at the very thought of stopping. I am the Royal Scientist. This is my duty. They are depending on me. I must save them. I must. I must.
His was the greatest mind in all of the Underground. But not even he could predict an ending like the one the mirror had shown him. What use were his efforts if they would only make everything worse?
Was he trying to fix something that wasn’t broken? Or, perhaps, it wasn’t his to fix.
He shook his head to stop his thoughts from spinning. He could pick them up again later. The broken heart was waiting patiently for him to speak.
“If… If it is of any comfort to you, I…”
“I treasure my sons. More than anything in this world. I will never hurt them.”
It felt a little strange, comforting a monster with his name and face, another him, another Gaster. Still, he saw no reason why that should stop him. Alphys was forever telling him to take better care of himself. This was kind of the same thing.
“Look, if this is too painful for you to talk about, we can change the topic.”
A Glitch Named Anti 