hornygold:

actualblanketgoblin:

the-one-and-only-scar-225:

thegrape-gatsby:

Another humans are weird space orcs idea because I really like thinking about it. What if aliens have no idea how to hide their emotions? Like, they suck at poker because they can never keep a straight face or anything. or, on a darker note, their ship is hijacked and they can’t keep the fear out of their faces, but all the humans look cold and emotionless to them. Other aliens hating having to bargain with humans becase we can bluff and keep our emotions in check so well, but when they get frustrated it’s all over. Pirates threaten the space ship and they send the human to do negotiations, and the pirate talking is super confused because no matter what threat he makes, the human just doesn’t seem to be fazed one bit.

Someone please, feel free to add to this, I love to see what else people come up with!

@space-australians

Additionally, humans are the best liars out of all species. We can change the pitch in out tone to make a truth sound like a lie and vise verse. We can make up story’s in the go in vivid detail.

Therefor humans become a must have for any and all travel ships. Imagine, a huge ship with a giant crew and one tiny quiet and kind human. But when they get caught by pirates (continuing from previous post with pirates) What does the human do?
Tells the crew to hide anything valuable along with themselves. The human just sits and waits in the quiet control until the Pirates burst in asking where the crew/ valuables are. Human are the best liars and this human makes up a convincing story of the beast that are the crew or some shit, scaring the Pirates into running for there lives. Then the crew comes back out and is just like ???????

Humans can make up a horrifying story in moments as they go, we are great liars after all.

No but imagine the pirates come in and the human’s sprawled in the captain’s chair like a Bond villain.

“Speak or die! Where is your crew and valuables?” They demanded, raising their blasters. They had heard of humans, with their near-miraculous ability to survive wounds not immediately fatal and eat damn near anything they could fit into their mouth.

The human looked up, seemingly calm and collected. “The crew? Oh, I ate them.” He said, smiling apologetically at the raiders’ horrified expressions. “Should I have saved some for you? That’s unbelievably rude of me, I’m so sorry!”

The pirates glanced at each other, unsure of whether the human was serious. His facial expression was sincere, but they had not expected such an extreme statement to be provided with such a conversational tone.

“You… ate them?” one asked, promptly hiding behind their leader when the human looked directly at them. Their leader was not amused, especially after the human grinned at that, showing off his pristine white teeth.

“Yep.” the human simply replied, leaning back in his chair and starting to gnaw at the loose flesh around his fingers. “I was so hungry… You know how it is. As for the valuables, they’re mine now. This is my ship and if you try to take so much as a paint fleck without my permission, you’ll have to get through me. Got it?” he added sharply, quickly getting to his feet.

It was dishonorable, but necessary. The pirates fled, chased through the corridors by the terrifying laughter of the human.

Bettany watched intently on the viewer as the Qashauqor came closer
to her hiding place; it looked like it would be Plan C. She smiled
inwardly.

Those poor, foolish pirates had no idea what was about to hit them,
but Bettany couldn’t wait. Anticipation thrummed through her veins.
After the nightmares the crew of the IMV Puck, a sluggish cargo
vessel, had heard over the previous years, this particular mass of
pondslime had committed attrocities even the most deparaved humans
had never allowed beyond their fevered and disturbed imaginations.

Then the Puck had been commandeered by the Multispecies Advanced
Weaponry Squad, or MAWS, an elite military unit made up of Humans,
Pa’aguck and Pa’atoth, and captained by a diminutive (even for his
species) Mevrauniy. They wanted to use the Puck as bait.

Even other Qashauqor despised the pirates, and their government had
even sent a cultural attaché
with the MAWS operatives – not to ensure they avoided offending what
passed for Qashauqori cultural sensibilities, but to help the team
take the pirates out more effectively. That’s where plan C came in.

Gjolg, the Qashauqor attaché,
had initially assumed Bettany was a juvenile Human due to her small
size – she was 4’7” and 72Lbs. Bettany had responded by bringing
one of the MAWS operatives to his knees with a punch that made every
other Human male in the room – including Bettany’s father –
cringe in sympathy.

“Small can be deadly,” she’d said, as the stricken man – a foot
and a half taller, and about three times her weight – collapsed
sideways onto the floor. Bettany hadn’t felt much sympathy for him.
Sure, he was in pain – but he’d also made some rather explicit and
unwanted comments to her earlier, and she did not enjoy being treated
as a piece of meat.

To his credit, corporal Kwan had come to her and apologised
afterwards for his behaviour, and she’d accepted his apology with
good grace – after he’d been strapped to a St. Andrew’s Cross for a
couple of hours. Gjolg had found them at it; xe hadn’t understood.
Bettany doubted her father would have understood either, but Kwan
seemed to enjoy himself. He’d come back for more enough times over
the next few weeks.

It was Gjolg and Kwan who came up with Plan C, so named because of
Gjolg’s original assumption that Bettany was a human child. So here
Bettany was, in a frilly dress, gripping what looked like a doll –
if you didn’t look too closely. The arms and legs were sonic grenades
that would be painful for a human, and temporarily incapacitating for
a Qashauqor, while the head was a conventional explosive grenade, and
the body and contained medipatches of a substance that caused
near-instant paralysis to Qashauqor. The drawback of the patches were
that they had to be applied directly to the skin, in a position where
the target couldn’t easily remove them.

The pirates’ previous victims had been found adrift, the adult crew
and passengers reduced to skeletons, but their children missing.
Gjolg believed they were being fattened for later consumption,
something even Xe found disgusting, but which meant Bettany probably
wouldn’t be immediately killed.

The first Qashauqor  entered the cargo hold, and Bettany switched off
the viewer. She could see xim slithering past the empty crates and
storage pods. Just a few more feet and…

She rattled the grate. Qashauqor eyesight was poor but their hearing
was excellent, especially if their bodies were flush against the
deck. The scout turned and headed directly towards her, pulling off
the panel, then encouraging her out of her hiding place.

“Where’s my daddy?” asked Bettany, a terrified-child tremor in
her voice. “He said he’d come back for me and I’m scared. I haven’t
seen him in days.”

Five hours later the MAWS cruiser Balaerion
docked with the Puck to take the Qashauqor prisoners aboard.

Plan C had worked almost flawlessly, and all but one of the Qashauqor
had been captured. Their captain had boarded an escape pod, but
Bettany had thrown the explosive grenade through the door just as it
was closing, and the pod had ruptured seconds after launch.
Qashauqors were highly resistant to the effect of vaccuum, and it had
taken almost twenty minutes for the injured pirate to die. Bettany
had stood at the airlock the whole time, feeling growing satisfaction
as xe grew visibly weaker.

She felt no need for remorse; not after she’d seen what the Qashauqor
had done to the children they’d captured. There were almost a hundred
survivors, from over a dozen different races, all being force-fed
nutrient paste. The memory sickened her.

The airlock cycled, and the doors between the two ships rolled out of
the way. On the far side were Gjolg, the skinny Mevrauniy colonel,
and her father. But the person Bettany really wanted to see was Kwan,
who was standing just behind them.

She pushed past the greeting party and launched herself at her
boyfriend, wrapping her arms and legs as far around him as tightly as
possible.

“That bad?” asked Kwan.

“Worse,” she said. “I thought humans could be evil but those
pirates…” she shuddered, and buried her face in his neck. “I
feel like I need a week-long brain-bleach bath.”