“Why don’t I fill you in a bit…” Marvin slowly nodded and leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. “Alright… Well… How do I do this…” Shneeplestein walked back into the room and made his way over to Marvin. “Sorry to interrupt. But I vould like to make sure Marvin didn’t break any bones.” Chase nodded. “Good idea.” Shneeplestein held out his hand. “Come vith me.” Marvin hesitated but took his hand. “Take care of him Shneep.” Shneeplestein nodded and walked Marvin into what looked like a fully stocked doctors office. “Whoa…” Marvin looked around, wide eyed. “Have a seat. I vill check and make sure you didn’t severely hurt anything.” Marvin sat on the examination table and sighed. “You are shaking. Are you alright?” Shneeplestein looked concerned. “Oh uh… yea… I’m just really confused…” He balled his hands into fists, trying to stop shaking. “It is alright. Let me see your hands.” Shneeplestein grabbed Marvin’s hands and looked them over for cuts. “Let me get some bandages.” Marvin took a deep breath and finally noticed he had cuts along his knuckles. “Hey. You’re alright. I know you don’t really know me but I von’t bite. I’m only going to tend to any other wounds and I vill let Chase do ze explaining.” Shneeplestein wrapped a few bandages around Marvin’s fingers. “Now let me make sure you didn’t do any serious damage.” He looked over Marvin and checked for any other wounds. “Alright no other cuts. You are good to go.” Marvin nodded and left the room without a single word. “Hey Shneep. He’s alright?” Shneeplestein was trailing behind Marvin. “Yes. Just a few cuts on his knuckles.” Marvin sat on the couch and sighed. “Someone please explain everything. I’m so confused.” Chase looked at everyone, with a huff. “Alright… So… Anyone else want to take this over. Or introduce themselves?” Anti stepped closer with a smirk on his face. “Sure. I’m Anti. I’m the boss around here. If you want to do anything you come to me. You don’t take away the knifes unless you want to die.” Anti quickly glared at Shneeplestein. “Shut the fuck up Anti. Take this and go back to your corner.” Chase tossed Anti a butter knife and rolled his eyes. “A fucking butter knife? Really? Fuck off Chase.” Anti growled and walked over to the corner, fiddling with the knife. “Vhy don’t ve try again. I am Docta Shneeplestein. I am obviously ze resident docta here. Anti is ze resident glitch bitch.” A low growl came from the corner. “Shut it Anti.” Shneeplestein gestured to Jackaboy. “Zat is Jackaboy. He is ze resident superhero. He’s actually quite the teddy bear if I am to be honest.” Jackaboy smiled and waved. “Ze zombie is Robbie. And well… He’s ze resident zombie. He is very sweet though watch out for his hand. It tends to fall off.” Shneeplestein nodded at Chase with a stern look on his face. “And zat is Chase Brody. He is ze resident… party boy I guess… And he just happens to be your boyfriend…”
Okay, I finished part 2 way quicker then I expected. It ended up being a bit longer then I was going for but I just couldn’t stop writing. So have part 2. Yay. I’m just going to go back to writing part 3.
Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.
Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.
You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.
That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?
You really want a human.
Humans also get a reputation for being pants-shittingly insane:
Humans want to go everywhere, you see that black hole? They’re trying to go in that to ‘explore’
Humans jump out of flying vehicles at heights that would most certainly kill them with only a piece of cloth strapped to them to save them, they do this for FUN
Conversely humans, a species that cannot survive without air, plunge themselves into the depths of their planet’s horrifying oceans until their bodies can’t take the pressure then they created vehicles to go further
Humanity didn’t wait to develop a sensible propulsion system to escape their planet’s atmosphere they strapped a metal tube to bombs and shot themselves out into the vacuum of space
If a human says something will ‘be fun’ assume that it’s probably life threatening
Every version of this post is amazing.
Humans quickly become known as the “house cat race” of the universe. They’re comparatively small against the other races, they’re fuzzy, and they’re bizarre as shit (see above), but they also are staunchly loyal companions, once you earn it.
Part of the pack bond instinct is that they also claim EVERYTHING as “theirs”, simply because they live somewhere or like something. The deep space freighter they’ve been on for the last month? Theirs. The yellow cup with a ding on the side that has been on the ship longer than they have? Also theirs. The standard issue blanket that looks like every other blanket in the universe? Theirs. Ship captain? Theirs. And they’re territorial little shits. They’ve been known to fight over somebody taking a pen by mistake because that is The Human’s Pen.
It’s this combination of strangeness and territorialness that makes them so valuable in a jam. Attackers on board a ship or broken through a colony wall? Humans will go balls out crazy to repel any invader because this is THEIR home and THEIR things and THEIR people and you don’t belong.
Most confusing of all are the ‘introverts’. This subtype of human looks identical to any other, but does not overtly show their bonding. Do. Not. Take this for a lack of bonding. They will be just as violent towards any threat that endangers you or your ship and it will seem all the more intense due to the complete and utter change in temperament.
No, this is not just them defending the ship; This One has heard a human claim shipmates that they have literally done nothing more than greet in the hallways as ‘friend’ and tear apart an invader that has assaulted said crewmate. This One does not exaggerate when it says ‘tear apart’ as the Grrthnk that raised the human’s ire was missing several limbs and the vital fluids of both were sprayed across the combat zone by the end of the fight.
“Who’s the one beating the vxihgh with a stapler?” “Mauren. Without her, we’d have never stopped the intruders on time.” “I thought Mauren was the quieter one! Are you sure the same human that suggested our literary-recording-sharing clan is telling a vxihgh in xir prime to, ‘F*cking try it again, you oversized cabbage’? Some species can assume another’s appearance, you know.” “I am sure. I’ve been here since the fight started. She was working at a table next to Targhd and the others when they were attacked. One of the intruders knocked Targhd out from behind. Xe was the first to go.” “And the stapler?” “It is a much more effective weapon than previously assumed.”
Jacksepticeye & Markiplier Animated – The Help Desk is now up! Give it a watch and share it around if you enjoy it! Thanks so much for all the enthusiasm surrounding this and pushing me to complete it faster!
if you’re an active follower of mine, i do recognize your username and/or icon. i smile when i see it in my activity. i get excited when you add funny tags to things. i get really happy when you reblog my op posts. so thank you, i appreciate you massively.
someone: children’s safety in fandom spaces comes first
people in fandom that are 30+: so you’re ageist then? you want me to die? you want to personally kill me yourself?
me: makes a satirical post that’s very clearly about how adults in fandom (particularly those over 30) are often immature at best and predatory at worst and that children should be able to enjoy things in a safe environment
people commenting on this post: so you’re ageist then? you want me to die? you want to personally kill me yourself?
A funny thing about introducing a new queen into a hive that has lost its queen (or one that you’ve killed because her brood was too fighty).
You have to introduce the new queen into the hive with these special queen cages that are stopped up with candy, and are open enough to let the hive smell the new queen, but not open enough that they can get in there and kill her.
Because they will kill her.
When you first put the new queen in she smells like an intruder, but by the time it takes the bees to eat through the candy and free the queen, the queen’s pheromones will have had time to work and the hive will have gotten used to her.
From the outside this kinda seems like:
“Yeh, we were all going to murder you to death before, but we’re full of candy now, so we’re cool. Oh yeh, and how about you be the new queen and stuff. Yeh, that’s cool too.”
beekeeping is really weird
Listen, strange bee queens lyin’ in cages distributin’ candy is no basis for a system of government.
Or one that you’ve killed?? You have to kill the queen????
A Glitch Named Anti 